17.7 C
Friday, June 21, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorldTrigger Warning Snowflake Student Dies After Reading Shakespeare

Trigger Warning Snowflake Student Dies After Reading Shakespeare

CAMBRIDGE - England - A Cambridge University student ignored a 'trigger warning' posted on a Shakespeare play, which caused his death from revulsion, shock and ultimately a fatal cardiac arrest.


Matt Clewes, 24, was supposed to be studying for a degree in English Literature, of which Shakespeare is a major component, when he came across the book before a specific lecture on the subject which caused his death.

English literature undergraduates were apparently cautioned beforehand that a lecture focusing on Titus Andronicus and The Comedy of Errors would include “discussions of sexual violence” and “sexual assault”.

Because of the ‘snowflake’ generation, the trigger warnings were posted in the English Faculty’s ‘Notes on Lectures’ document which is circulated to students at the university, but somehow bypassed Mr. Clewes.

More ‘trigger warning’

One of his friends at the campus was angry that Clewes had not been warned about the Shakespeare piece more prominently before his untimely death.

“We live in a constant state of shock and terror. Like what if I suddenly read or see something that upsets me, but it happens every day now. He should have been warned. Why were there no trigger warnings on the manuscript? Yesterday, I was watching the TV when an episode of Martin Scorcese’s Casino came on. I was not warned and nearly died from the shock of watching the film. No warnings mean we could have heart attacks from the shock. This is serious people. Are you not as scared as us? How could you do this to us?”

Many triggered students are now calling for the banning or censorship of major parts of all Shakespeare plays.

Last week, a Cambridge undergraduate student studying Ancient History was hospitalised after he read about Gaius Caligula by Suetonius. He is still in a coma and may never wake up.

As for the Daily Squib, reading it has been banned by Cambridge University as a major ‘trigger hazzard’ code red warning.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
- Advertisment -





The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

Translate »