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Why Releasing Violent Criminals onto UK’s Streets Was Planned

LONDON - England - The Justice Secretary, Ken Clarke's U-turn on the Tory election pledge of hard-line tactics on violent crime is now proposing that criminals who commit violent offences like murder and rape should only be briefly imprisoned after their third murder, senior Whitehall officials disclosed.

“There is this misconception that the government is there to protect the public, nothing can be further from the truth,” a prominent member of Whitehall disclosed on Tuesday.

Part of the Coalition’s cost cutting drive of reducing the prison population should also reduce the population as well.

“We’re going for a two tiered approach here. The violent criminals, thugs and rapists which we will release onto the streets after they commit their heinous crimes will also help reduce the population of Britain as well. We are already in a population explosion situation in the UK with the cities becoming increasingly overcrowded. By increasing public unrest, riots, murders and violence, the government saves money on pensions, the ailing NHS, welfare and prisons. It’s basically a win win situation for the government, because MPs will now be allowed to keep their expenses as well,” Ken Clarke told a Commons hearing on Monday.

The Justice Secretary also proposed that there should be a three strikes law for murderers: “Murder is a pretty bad thing, but these people are clogging up our prisons at a great cost to the government. This is why I propose that Britain’s murderers and violent killers be given three chances, then after their third murder or stabbing, they should be incarcerated for a maximum sentence of three months, then released again to commit more murder and mayhem.”

Mr Clarke was praised in Westminster when he presented the green paper that watered down a catalogue of punishments.

“I think what Ken has done is a remarkable achievement. His wonderful proposals will release a torrent of filth, scum and violence onto the already filthy, scum ridden streets. Therefore there will be more aggro, violence and brutality meted out onto the deserving public. I just can’t stop giggling at the thought of it all,” Lib Dem leader, Nick Clegg said during the Commons meeting.

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  1. No doubt, anyone who protects themselves from the violent thugs will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law…

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