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Russia: When Satan Comes to Visit

MOSCOW - Russia - The Russians have today unveiled their latest little play toy, the RS-28 Sarmat, or Satan 2, stealth ballistic missile which can destroy an area the size of France with a single detonation travelling at speeds up to Mach 12.


The RS-28 Sarmat intercontinental ballistic missile, a new multi-warhead, super-heavy missile designed to defeat anti-missile systems will replace the RS-36, a family of ICBMs and space launch vehicles that entered service in the 1970s and 1980s, Sputnik news reported.

“You’re shit out of luck with this boyo. This is the next step in Russian aggression, so don’t fuck with us. The Sarmat is twinned with Project 4202, a hypersonic glider which, after separating from its ICBM launch vehicle, will be able to accelerate to speeds between Mach 7 and Mach 12, acting like a hypersonic cruise missile, and capable of manoeuvring to overcome any existing or prospective missile defence to reach its target,” Sputnik quoted a Russian Defence Ministry Official.

The missile will carry up to 10 heavy warheads, or 16 lighter ones, or a combination of warheads and countermeasures meant at overwhelming enemy missile defences.

Capable of destroying a land mass the size of France or Texas with a single detonation, this behemoth missile is also protected by stealth technology which shields it from any radar or early warning system.

“One minute you are there. Next minute, a white light and gone. You are dust in the wind. There will be no warning. Russians do not give warnings before attack. You could be anywhere, doing the cleaning, in the office, in the car, one second is all you will have. Voom! Gone, no chance of survival,” the Defence Ministry spokesman revealed.

Russia’s Voyevoda (NATO codename SS-18 Satan), an upgraded variant of the R-36, is now the most powerful missile of its class.   “Among the land, sea and air-based weapons on both sides of the Atlantic, there is nothing even close to reaching its combat capabilities.”

It’s nice to see our Russian friends are so mindful of world peace.

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