Lord Ashcroft: “Who Do You Think I Am Cameron?”

LONDON - England - An angry Lord Ashcroft is set to be turfed from his minor government post after revealing childish revelations allegedly committed by Prime Minister David Cameron whilst at university.

“You’ve got to remember your friends after they help you, and if you don’t, well, I get someone to write a little bookie wookie,” Lord Ashcroft said in a recent interview.

After Cameron’s election in 2010, Ashcroft was not given the post he wanted therefore he felt slighted and plotted his revenge.

“I was made to look like a suckling pig. After all I had done for Dave, and all that money I spent on the Tories, there was no pay back. Do I look like a pig to you Cameron? Do you want to f*ck me? Do you?” an angry Ashcroft railed on and on.

Meanwhile, Number 10 has been very silent about the affair.