Want More Free Cash? Move to Scotland

GLASGOW - Scotland - Alcoholics, drug addicts, benefits cheats, Eastern European gangsters, students. Want more benefits, free money, free university, drugs, booze, benefits riches? Then Scotland is your next destination.


Thanks to the Barnett formula you will get much more than the rest of the UK handed to you on a silver platter, and the best part of it is that the English taxpayers have to pay through the nose so that you can live a life of Riley.

With North sea oil pretty much worthless at the moment, and the fields nearly dry, it is only natural that the Scots look to rich England to plunder their resources.

“Aye, the English, we want you tae pay for everything, and we’re going tae bleed you scunners dry. Not only that, we want a say in your parliament so we can dictate to you bags of puss what goes on in your neck of woods. How’s about that for a kick in the nads. Now bend over and get ready for ma boot,” Scottish MP, Angus McJockstrapp told BBC Scotland.