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Bible Experts: Jesus Smoked Marijuana and Used Cannabis Oil For ‘Miracles’

COLORADO - USA - New findings from religious scholars reveal evidence that Jesus and his disciples smoked cannabis and used cannabis derived oils for miracle cures.

Apparently Americans Too Drugged Up to Work

NEW YORK - USA - Numerous reports find a fresh reason for the chronic inability of American companies to fill skilled jobs: not a lack of skills, and hence a training-and-education crisis, but a surfeit of drug abuse.

Tara Palmer-Tomkinson Refused Entry into First Class Lounge in Heaven

LONDON - England - The tragic loss of socialite celebrity Tara Palmer-Tomkinson brings a tear to the meandering hills of Peru from which she had partaken with so much gusto.

George Michael’s Last Sordid Christmas

OXFORDSHIRE - England - Far from the days of Wham youth, George Michael passed away this Christmas, a sad forlorn creature who had had his fill, yet could not stop and yearned for even more.

Keith Richards Says He’s Going to Survive Glastonbury

GLASTONBURY - England - This year's Glastonbury festival is going to be a real stonker, and Keith Richards is determined to survive it.

Tulisa to Perform For Court Judge on Cocaine Case

ESSEX - England - Ex X-Factor judge Tulisa Contostavrosopoulos is to perform one of her usual tricks on a judge for her new court case so she can get off a drugs rap, she has told the Sun newspaper.

Lindsay Lohan Enters Rehab in Rehab

LOS ANGELES - USA - American film starlet, Lindsay Lohan has entered rehab for the fortieth time this year but has now gone one step further by entering rehab inside rehab.

Kerry Katona Cocaine Day Loan Ad Banned

CHESTER - England - An advertisement for quick cash loans so people can score a few grams of cocaine featuring coke head reality TV star Kerry Katona, has been banned by the industry watchdog, partly for suggesting the money could help to fund a celebrity lifestyle.

New Macaulay Culkin Film 'Heroin Alone' Gets Critical Acclaim

NEW YORK - USA - The latest Macaulay Culkin Alone series of films has hit a vein with cinema audiences across America.

Country Legalises Drugs Bringing Economic Riches and Harmony

LONDON - England - The Prime Minister has secured the recovery of the United Kingdom with the final legalisation of all drugs today.

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