17.7 C
Saturday, June 22, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorldCOVID-19: Spare a Thought For the Clueless Obese Drugged Up Americans

COVID-19: Spare a Thought For the Clueless Obese Drugged Up Americans

NEW YORK - USA - The COVID-19 coronavirus especially likes obese Americans who have a plethora of medical and mental problems.

Want to see a ticking time bomb? Most of the U.S. population are on heavy doses of painkillers and other prescription drugs, as well as being morbidly obese. These people may have access to heavy weaponry but all it will take to take them down is a microscopic pathogen that their bullets will not find.

“I can shoot a commie bastard, I can shoot a gook, I can shoot anyone taking away my rights, but I cannot shoot this virus, hell, I can’t even see the dayum thang!” one morbidly obese American from Detroit said whilst sitting on a bag of ammunition.


More than 131 million people — 66 percent of all adults in the United States — use prescription drugs. Utilization is particularly high for older people and those with chronic conditions. Prescription drugs can hasten death when infected by coronavirus.

Marijuana, followed by cocaine and LSD, is the most used illicit drug in the United States. As of 2018, around 124 million people in the United States had used marijuana at some point in their lifetime. In the past few years, a number of states have legalized marijuana for both recreational and medical purposes, creating a new and thriving market.


The National Center for Health Statistics estimates that, for 2015-2016 in the U.S., 39.8% of adults aged 20 and over were obese (including 7.6% with severe obesity) and that another 31.8% were overweight. Obesity rates have increased for all population groups in the United States over the last several decades.

Mental Illness

In the United States, almost half of adults (46.4 percent) will experience a mental illness during their lifetime. 5 percent of adults (18 or older) experience a mental illness in any one year, equivalent to 43.8 million people.

About 2.5 million people currently receive some form of Family Tax Benefit. Income support for the unemployed and the sick makes up $10.8 billion of the welfare budget, an increase of $358 million from 2018-19.


Thirty percent of U.S. adults say they personally own a gun, while a larger percentage, 43%, report living in a gun household.

Personal gun ownership varies among the major population subgroups Gallup looks at:

  • Republicans (45%), men (43%) and self-identified conservatives (40%) are the most likely key subgroups to say they personally own a gun.
  • Women (17%), Democrats (16%) and Hispanics (15%) are the least likely to report personal gun ownership.


  • 64,699,741 individuals were enrolled in Medicaid in October 2019..[Source: Medicaid]
  • An average of 35 percent of unemployed Americans received means-tested benefits. [Source: United States Census Bureau]
  • On average 21 percent of Americans participate in at least one government assistance program. [Source: United States Census Bureau]
  • 43 percent of Americans signed up for welfare programs have been participating for over 3 years. [Source: United States Census Bureau]
  • 18 percent of all U.S. adults have received food stamps at some point in their lives. [Source: Pew Research Center]
  • Over half of Americans receiving housing assistance have been enrolled for over three years. [Source: United States Census Bureau]
  • Only 10 percent of Americans receiving housing assistance pass the requirements for housing assistance over three years. [Source: United States Census Bureau]
  • 51 percent of immigrant-led households in the United States are enrolled in one or more government welfare program. [Source: Center for Immigration Studies]

Put all of these statistics, mix them in a bucket full of fear, and a huge national debt with a crumbling economy, joblessness, no national health service, and millions of guns, and it is almost inevitable that something terrible will arise soon enough.

“When the shit kicks off, you better be thousands of miles away from here, or it’s gonna be goodbye time!” another morbidly obese American man said whilst toting his AR-15 and snorting a line of cocaine.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
- Advertisment -





The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

Translate »