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Tuesday, May 17, 2022
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Thousands Ringing Banks Asking to Only Pay Back 50% of Debt

LONDON - England - After hearing of Greece's wonderful luck in having 50% of its debt written off by the banks, thousands of ordinary customers have been ringing their banks asking for the same.

Bank of England Governor Poos Pants Live on TV

LONDON - England - Sir Mervyn King, or Merv as his friends like to call him, had an unfortunate underpant accident live on the Channel 4 news programme last night.

Armed Robber Forces Local Bank to Lend

STOKE-ON-TRENT - England - Susan Benson, 34, was so desperate for a bank loan for her new flower business that she took it upon herself to acquire the loan from her local bank who had refused her a loan earlier, by robbing it.

Banker Screams Like Little Girl After Being Spooked

MADRID - Spain - One of Spain's largest banking institutions, Satsuma Banking Corp. was at the centre of a massive eurozone sell-off spree after another one of its bankers was spooked by a kitten that had come into the building.

Bankers Furious After Bonuses Accidentally Directed to Haiti

PORT-AU-PRINCE - Haiti - Twelve Goldman Sachs bankers, who were to receive £800,000 bonuses each, were said to be furious today that their money had somehow been accidentally sent to a Haitian bank and used as earthquake relief aid.

Banks Now Require Applicants to Beg for Mortgages

LONDON - England - Applicants for a home loan will have to beg at the feet of bankers under proposals to improve the regulation of the mortgage market.

Bank of England to Give Everyone £10,000

LONDON - England - Mervyn King, the Bank of England's chairman, announced today, that he will give everyone in England and Wales £10,000 cash so as to kick start the ailing economy.

£500 Billion to Buy Humungous Amount of Prostitutes and Champagne for...

LONDON - England - Taxpayers in Britain are going to foot one of the heftiest whore and champagne bills in history.

Daily Squib Bank Account Guarantees All Deposits

LONDON - England - The Daily Squib Media Empire has issued a blanket guarantee of all bank deposits after panic withdrawals by customers in the UK, creating an unstoppable stampede across Europe for an EU-wide bail of the financial system.

Banks to Diversify by Selling Groceries

LONDON - England - Hard hit banks are finding new ways to raise cash in these hard 'credit crunch' times.

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