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LONDON - England - After hearing of Greece's wonderful luck in having 50% of its debt written off by the banks, thousands of ordinary customers have been ringing their banks asking for the same.
MADRID - Spain - One of Spain's largest banking institutions, Satsuma Banking Corp. was at the centre of a massive eurozone sell-off spree after another one of its bankers was spooked by a kitten that had come into the building.
PORT-AU-PRINCE - Haiti - Twelve Goldman Sachs bankers, who were to receive £800,000 bonuses each, were said to be furious today that their money had somehow been accidentally sent to a Haitian bank and used as earthquake relief aid.
LONDON - England - Taxpayers in Britain are going to foot one of the heftiest whore and champagne bills in history.