“He was spooked by a little kitten that had sneaked into the building and he sold off 23 million client shares after pressing the sell button. This in turn made all the other scared bankers sell everything as well. By that time London was selling too, and then Japan got in the act. The jitters are really bad I tell you,” Dave Harwick, senior analyst at Yellow Stain Securities told the Financial Times.
Last week another banker was suddenly frightened when a cleaner accidentally touched his keyboard with a feather duster. The banker in his fit of fright jumped up screaming like a little girl and sold all his shares to make a huge loss for the bank.
All over the banking sector many frightened bankers are now so scared that they need adult nappies when at work.
“We’ve got a real problem here. I’ve seen French soldiers in WW2 with more courage than these bankers. We’ve had to introduce adult nappies into our trading rooms otherwise there would be an unholy stink mess all over the floors. God help us what a bunch of f*cking p*ssies,” Jane Cojones, a secretary at a London investment bank revealed on Friday.