17.7 C
London
Saturday, March 16, 2024
secret satire society
HomeBusinessBanks Now Require Applicants to Beg for Mortgages

Banks Now Require Applicants to Beg for Mortgages

LONDON - England - Applicants for a home loan will have to beg at the feet of bankers under proposals to improve the regulation of the mortgage market.

buy squib book

The Financial Services Authority (FSA), the City watchdog, has called for more “begging and snivelling” from the public if they wish to obtain any home loans. The criteria to be applied by banks and building societies, with borrowers subjected to rigorous begging on the carpets of banks will eventually increase lending say bankers.

“The more you beg the more we listen. We’re even considering having a beggo-meter installed in all of our branches,” Ashmole Beane, branch manager for the local Natwest branch in East Grimsdale told the BBC.

If applicants do not grovel enough in front of the lending officer they will be ushered out of the door and told to come back in a few weeks when they have got their begging skills up to par.

“You will be required to kneel in front of the bank worker and emote with gusto. How much do you want to own a house? We want to see tears, despair and utter desperation. Then if you pass the first level we want to know every minute detail about your shitty life. Which pub you drink in? How much you spend on booze and what the cost of your wife’s yearly undergarment expenditure is. Presented with photographs and bar charts, of course,” Mr Beane added.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
- Advertisment -
daily squib FB Group
daily squib FB Group
daily squib FB Group
daily squib FB Group

NEWS ON THE HOUR

curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

Translate »