“Mr Brown’s twelve year plan for the British economy has worked wonders I tell you,” a jubilant city worker at London’s Canary Wharf told the Economist magazine before jumping headfirst out of a closed sixtieth floor window.
Britain has never had it so good. Everywhere in the streets people praise Gordon Brown for his economic miracle.
“I’ve been through two world wars sonny, and I have to say Gordon is an economic genius. I mean, who would have thought of selling the UK’s gold reserves at the bottom of the market, or saddling the British taxpayer with debts lasting for the next 40-50 years? I’m glad I won’t be around then eh, because it’s going to get a lot bloomin’ worse,” Archie Knebworth, 95, told the Sun newspaper.
Thanks to Brown’s economic miracle and diligence, the gross domestic product has contracted for six consecutive quarters.
Gordon Brown’s Twelve Year Economic plan has also resulted in the economy shrinking 5.9% since his unelected prime ministership began – just 0.1% less than during the downturn of 1979-81.
The pound fell by one cent against the dollar immediately following the release of the data from the Office for National Statistics and is now at it’s lowest point in 15 years.
A member of Gordon Brown’s inner circle reiterated the good news: “This is great news. Britain is going to be in recession for the next forty years thanks to Gordon Brown. We’re printing more money as we speak and everything’s doodle dandy if you ask me. Help!”