17.7 C
London
Saturday, June 22, 2024
secret satire society
HomeBusinessBankers Furious After Bonuses Accidentally Directed to Haiti

Bankers Furious After Bonuses Accidentally Directed to Haiti

PORT-AU-PRINCE - Haiti - Twelve Goldman Sachs bankers, who were to receive £800,000 bonuses each, were said to be furious today that their money had somehow been accidentally sent to a Haitian bank and used as earthquake relief aid.

Amongst the wailing bodies of the distraught Haitians who have had their lives completely destroyed, there was an even worse wailing sound emanating from the offices of Goldman Sachs after an operator error caused a monetary malfunction thus sending some of the much awaited bonuses to Haiti.

“I’ve never heard anyone crying like that, poor old beggar, he needs his Aston Martin and Lamborghini serviced next month. Where the f*ck is he going to get the money for it?” Joel Hemmingwart, a senior analyst who did receive his bonus this year told the FT.

This is a terrible time for the bankers involved and some are so distraught that they didn’t even attend a bonus party at a sleazy London strip joint last night.



“Usually this time of year we hire a jet and fly off to Corfu for a day trip of golf, sea and s
*x with high class escorts. I’ve just been told that £800,000 of my bonus was wired to some tin pot shack in Haiti. Those people don’t know the first thing about caviar, shagging pr*stitutes and champagne! If I have to fly over there myself and pry my money out of their dying hands god help me I will,” another disgusted banker was quoted as saying by the FT.

An appeal has been launched so that the bankers can be repatriated with their bonuses as soon as possible.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"

2 COMMENTS

  1. Hey- we’re still picking banker bones and rotting flesh off the buildings in NYC from 9/11. With any luck there will be a HUGE earthquake in NYC and Scumbag Lloyd Blankfein will be crushed under tons of stone and concrete. When he is, I will make a special trip to NYC with lots of fresh water to drink so I can piss on his corpse.

Comments are closed.

- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

Translate »