England Win World Cup by Beating Germany

BLOEMFONTEIN - South Africa - England have won the world cup in spectacular fashion after a 3 - 0 win against Germany.

It was 1966/1945 all over again. After so many years of hurt, the England team finally won the world cup in spectacular style today.

The 2010 world cup has at times resembled another major historical event that occurred in the last century: when first the frogs surrendered, then the yanks turned up late and it was left up to the English to fight the krauts.

Despite the Germans having a lot of concentration in their camp and a lot of strength in their right wing, England got past their defences and dropped a dam buster into the German goal 23 minutes into the first half via Corporal Rooney.

The Germans fought back valiantly with a pincer movement that nearly breached England’s cliffs of Dover but were thwarted by the battle of Britain in midfield.

The Great Escape

German striker, Junkers Rommel got close to the English goal 38 minutes in by dive bombing a screaming Stuka shot at goal but hitting the post, then Freddy Goering attempted to drop another doodlebug on the English instead missing and slamming the ball into the crazed fans behind goal.

The second England goal, this time scored by First Lieutenant Gerrard, was a real stonker and sailed in from 150 yards coming just before half time.

Fritz, at 54 minutes into the game, flanked the Maginot line defence and invaded from the rear utlising their Panzerschreck strikers, but again were stopped dead in their tracks by the superior armour of the English. There was panic in the England team’s ranks when the Germans seemed to be getting the upper hand and England manager, Fabio Capello thought about switching sides for a second in true Italian style but decided against it at the last moment.

England scored the final goal on the 93rd minute with only a minute of extra time remaining by cracking the code with a shot from Corporal Rooney breaching the Berlin Wall, to catch his second goal.

The Germans had now lost the game, and were reduced to walking through the devastated, crater-filled, Dresden-like pitch back to the shower room for some zyklon-b refreshments.

The war was finally over and all across England people were having street parties to celebrate the momentous victory.

And then I heard the nursie call me, she said: “Hey, you forgot your meds, looks like we need to up the dose again.”

Gurgle, gurgle, blaaah!