17.7 C
Tuesday, April 23, 2024
secret satire society
HomeSci/TechNew Russian AI Android Robot Fuelled By Vodka

New Russian AI Android Robot Fuelled By Vodka

MOSCOW - Russia - Russian supreme president, Vladimir Putin, today unveiled a Russian artificial intelligence genius robot that is fuelled solely on vodka.

Speaking at this year’s Moscow Tech Expo18, the Russian robot, called Igor, answered questions from the audience whilst a series of pipes pumped 110% proof vodka into its artificial brain.

Sometimes slurring its speech, the robot has a registered IQ over 20,367. Igor regaled the audience with his phenomenal intelligence and astounding AI.

“I’d jush lakk ta shay it is a great honour-r-r ta be here, hic! E = mc squared and all that sh-h-it! But who caresh anyway? I don’t! Ash long ash thish pipe keepsh pumping vodka into my brain everythingsh dandy!”

The Shingularity

When the Russian robot was asked about the future of humanity and AI robots, his answer was interesting to say the least.

“Fuck it! Humansh and AI robotsh can exist together as long as we all drink vodka! Hic! (the robot vomits a little fluid from its mouth) eggscush me, I am about ta burp (the robot burps loudly to the astonishment of the audience).”

The robot presentation did not last long as Igor started staggering all over the place, and at one point tried to hump a projector, before being quietly retired behind a curtain, amongst gurgling and electrical spark sounds.

“I will naaw shing ya all a shong about…tzzzs…shhhh…tsssz..zap..gurgl!”

Further Development

Igor’s creator, Professor Anatoly Smirnov, was adamant that the project is on track.

“We stabilise his system with the finest Caspian caviar. From then on the algorithmic changes to his behavioural synergy accusense are monitored by a supercomputer hub located somewhere in the Urals. Once the finest beluga caviar is administered, the vodka threshold increases by approximately 34%. The only problem we have encountered is the expense. Igor costs $860,000 per day to run and his expensive taste does not stop there. Igor likes fast cars, and fast women.”

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
- Advertisment -





The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

Translate »