Prime Minister Gordon Brown brought his usual cheer to the seaside town of Weston-super-Mare today and blessed the famous pier, which was built in 1904, with his luck.

Witnesses say they saw the hapless PM near the pier when large columns of flames shot up 20 feet into the air.

“Gordon Brown has visited our pier. Thank you Gordon Brown! Thank you very much!” an angry resident, Reg Bridlington, 67, told reporters.

The fiery inferno ripped through the partly-wooden structure and sent clouds of grey
smoke spiralling into the air which could be seen 15 miles away. The residents of Weston-super-Mare were today counting the cost of the unlucky PM visiting their town. They know full well that bad luck follows him everywhere.

Scores of firefighters fought the flames which took hold of the 104-year-old
Grade II-listed pier at about 7am, but it took little over an hour for the
pavilion to be reduced to a tangle of blackened metal.

Lord Archer, who has better luck than Gordon, was brought up in Weston-super-Mare. He recalled fondly spending “far
too many pennies” on the local prostitutes whilst trawling the pier and of how he met his wife Mary whilst she was working the pier herself one summer holiday.

He said: “It will take years if it is to be restored to its former glory. It didn’t have a bloody chance. Once that morose Stalinist Gordon turned up — disaster was on the books.”

Speaking from his modest dacha in Southwold, the unelected leader did not even flinch when he was told the grave news of a rebellion in the Labour state’s heartland of Glasgow East which is firmly ensconced within Sector 101.

Iron Fist of Sovietization

“Despite the democratic disease creeping into my 10 year plan for the total integration of all citizens within the eco-state, the collectivisation of all farmers, the increasing of even more taxation and the reduction of all living standards for all Soviet Britons, we shall not falter. I have despatched Commissar Ed Balls to Sector 101 where he will be assigned to re-educate the traitors who erred from the true path of totalitarian eco-rule. I am listening to what the people are saying, this is why I have ordered more listening devices and CCTV surveillance cameras. I will listen to your opinions, then I will discard them as always because I am your supreme unelected leader and have complete control over every facet of every plebes life. I’m getting on with the job. My task is getting on with the job of integrating more taxation and more surveillance in the Soviet Era of Change. It’s exactly what I want to do. And, rest assured I will do it!”

Under unelected leader Comrade Brown’s outstanding leadership, the Soviet State is currently benefiting from a high standard of living. Citizens and party workers can now enjoy an extra ration of porridge every week and an extra teaspoon of sugar once a month.

Comrade Brown will reward proles with a further increase in taxation for all goods and services next week as a special thank you for not electing the unelected leader who is in supreme control over everything.

We have news that some listening devices suffered breakdowns in Sector 34 – 36 last night so all citizens in that area are urged to look out for any dissent or speech crimes against Comrade Brown and report these vile crimes to your nearest Stasi official.

A commendation must be made to 12 year old Herbert Allinson who reported his own mother as a thought criminal in Sector 43 last night. The boy’s mother has been sent to an eco camp to be re-educated for 42 years.

Remember comrades, be vigilant and listen out for traitors, they are everywhere.

Notice: B64225 INGSOCK Long Live the Gordo!

After winning the landmark case, Mr Mosley exited the High Court riding on the back of a prostitute barking out orders in German.

The assembled throng of reporters were all treated to the spectacle of Mosley being whipped violently by an assembled garrison of female SS officers whipping his back with gusto.

“I’ve seen some funny sights in my time but this really takes the Gestapo. Max was clearly in ecstasy as he was carried down the High Court steps when his 1930’s Daimler Benz pulled up carrying more stockinged whip happy whores,” an editor for the News of the Weimar newspaper recounted.

The High Court
Judge who handled the controversial case and awarded Mr Mosley the
spectacular win is no stranger to whips and chains himself and cheered
on his friend with a look of glee and jealousy.

Mr. Mosley started to talk in German and demanded he be whipped faster and harder as he got into the the backseat of the classic limousine. He then started to announce that he needed to be gassed. One of the prostitutes obliged by farting on his head leaving him gasping in delight. An old woman standing transfixed in horror vomited violently into her handbag at the sight of Mosley on all fours being whipped and gassed. The 67-year-old Mosley, who has been married for 48 years, was at one point
whipped so hard that the orgy had to be halted while a bandage was
applied to stop his bleeding.

Mosley’s eyes were rolled up in their sockets as he recited a combination of Yiddish and German whilst the whipping frenzy carried on. The limousine then drove off leaving a trail of blood and soiled knickers with the unholy sound of Wagner’s Ride of the Valkyrie blaring from the car stereo.

As President of the FIA, Mosley is responsible for overseeing international motor sports, including Formula One. He enjoys a close relationship with F1 Supremo Bernie Ecclestone who was also the cameraman during the notorious filmed orgy.