Senior members of Comrade Brown’s government politburo office in Whitehall have disclosed crucial data about the further destruction of the British system of wealth so as to enable complete Sovietization.

Speaking from Whitehall’s politburo offices, senior analyst, Comrade O’Brien, revealed the extent of Gordon Brown’s war on the proletariat and bourgeois classes: “Our supreme unelected commander in chief, the one-eyed supreme eyeball and seer of all, the unchallenged visionary of the New Era of Change and saviour of the World’s Soviet Global Control Systema, has once again excelled in his plan to reduce the wealth of the people further and bring them to their knees. The people of Britain will be reduced to eating from rubbish bins and living in cardboard eco-boxes thanks to our Sovietization collectivist dream. Comrade Brown, who is responsible for the biggest economic downturn the world has ever seen, is having so much fun with the destruction of the British capitalist economy that he now has uncontrollable giggling fits when at his desk signing 42 year detention warrants. We must congratulate him on his efficient technique in destroying peoples lives and spreading more misery around than Stalin or Lenin could ever have wished. The holocaust that will come will dwarf their regimes and make them look like Mickey f*cking mouse.”

Capitalist houseprices have already fallen 21 per cent from their peak, but further Sovietization should ensure they will slump further by up to 55 per cent if the over-correction in prices is as bad as in the early 1990s, according to the Central Politburo Office.

That would leave 60 million Britons in negative equity – when their house is worth less than their mortgage.

This will enable more repossessions by the Soviet banking system led by Northern Red Rock and the Lloyds Bolshevik Bank, so that the state will rightly own everything.

“There will be no self-ownership under Labour’s Soviet Britain. We will have an equal society where everyone will live in poverty and misery and where personal wealth will be a thing of the past. The capitalist scum who do not obey the new system will be taken away and re-educated in one of comrade Brown’s eco-gulags,” Comrade O’Brien added.

Clinton told young Europeans at the European Parliament that global economic and environmental turmoil provided a fresh opening: “Never waste a good crisis … Don’t waste it when it can have a very positive impact on increasing scientific control. It doesn’t matter if the West claims to be reducing carbon emissions because with countries like China and India pumping out so much shit into the atmosphere it makes no bloody difference. We are just using the Global Warming bullsh*t story to bring in some more prohibitive taxes and laws. We have to use so-called crisis as best we can to create more fear amongst the populations. I love the smell of fear on a human’s breath, hmmm, it smells like dinner. Fear is my fuel, and the more fear we harvest from humans the more I crave,” she said.

Witnesses at the conference then saw Mrs Clinton momentarily shift her shape into a green lizard before suddenly switching back into her human disguise.

“I was just chewing on my cheeseburger and trying to get through the boring speech when lo and behold my eyes nearly goddamn popped out of their sockets. Hillary Clinton changed into a lizard right in front of everyone but only a few people noticed. It was so unbelievable that my brain could not comprehend what it had just seen so it tried to edit out the reptile eyes, claws and forked tongue. At first I thought it could have been Peter Mandelson who had walked into the room but when I looked back I saw Hillary Clinton blushing like she let off a fanny fart or something,” Ed Fellini, a European Parliamentary Economics Minister representing Italy, told Rai Uno.

Europe sees the United States as another greedy user of all of the world’s precious resources. The U.S. currently uses over 45% of the world’s oil and pumps out huge amounts of toxic gases into the atmosphere every day.

“The carbon lifeforms that we call humans are now getting too many in number. They’re breeding like f*cking fruit flies. The use of eugenics will be incorporated on the populations to weed out the bad slaves from the good ones to serve their masters. Comrades, we have come to a time of which we have waited for many centuries. We have no need for the old ways, the post-industrial age is upon us. We must discard the unruly humans who have to be entertained all the time. We will bring on the new era. The scientific age where our slaves will not have any form of individual thought but will work in harmony and be glad to serve us in our luxurious utopia,” Mrs Clinton added.

“I will Survive”

Lord Mandelson branded the stunt, in front of television cameras, a ‘delicious reminder of my home pursuits’.

The pea soup squirting, outside the Government’s low carbon industrial strategy at the
Royal Society in London, was just another episode in Lord Mandy’s troubled return into the political fray. No police were at the scene.

“Mandy is used to having stuff squirted into his face and he took the soup gunging spunk-fest with a pinch of salt. It was like water off a ducks back,” a Royal Society elitist arsehole told Sky news.

Lord
Mandelson later emerged from the building after changing his tie and
said: ‘It was a wonderful distraction actually. There I was dreaming of Bill Clinton whilst on a visit to the United States and me wearing a blue dress, when, out of nowhere, I received a firm squirt of pea juice onto my face and clothes. Ooh it was so good. I enjoyed it so much I have to go to my office now and get into my ermine for a spot of Lordly action.”