“I’m a liar. I hate people, especially the English. I lied. Don’t believe another word I say. You over there in the corner, don’t believe me, I lied to you all. I’m such a liar I don’t believe myself anymore,” the unelected PM shouted over the podium as the audience of twenty Labour supporters looked on in abject terror at the bonkers display.

During the speech, Mr Brown started shouting at himself and slapping his knees. Labour security personnel then moved in to remove him from the venue.

“We were instructed to remove hecklers from the venue, and Mr Brown was heckling his own speech. Everyone knows he’s a liar and has ruined this country, and it seems he’s finally stopped denying it too. At least he’s got a conscience though, not something that can be said about Blair,” chief of security, Harvey Bonzer, told the Sun.

After being ejected from his own speech, Mr Brown was given some heavy horse sedatives and moved to his bunker deep underneath Downing Street.

“We have reason to believe that there be’s oil in them there area. I just looked in the United States Dubya Book of Invasions and it says on paragraph 23, page 634, that we got’s to create some kinda scare for the peoples. So, i’ma gonna say that the oil slick could invade the US in 45 minutes with WMD and that it’s a very slick dangers. Then we can fill our 5 mpg SUV’s and not worry for a few more years huh,” President Obama read from his autocue machine on Friday.

“Operation Enduring Oil Freedom”

Addressing the nation, there was a look of determination on president Obama’s face as he described the hardship ahead during the dangerous oil slick campaign.

Already, the USS Oil Conquest and USS Oil Freedom was in the area dispensing large amounts of ammunition and missiles into the ocean around the oil slick.

All across America, citizens were showing their patriotic fervour by walking the streets whooping, clapping and waving their American flags.

“Every night he sees the face of the pensioner bearing down on him. She smiles into his face and leers revealing her rotting teeth. Behind her, the PM says he sees men from Sky news goaded on by Rupert Murdoch. He is then pursued by this woman as she comes closer and closer finally so that all he sees is the huge bulbous mole on her face. The PM usually wakes up screaming and in a cold sweat, his wife Sarah has told me and Downing Street psychiatrists,” the Business secretary, Lord Mandelson told state broadcasting station, the BBC.

A team of psychiatrists and counsellors, who are already part of the medical team at Downing Street, are now working round the clock to try to reassure the sweat soaked PM that there is no ‘nasty bigoted’ witch after him.

“It is an uphill struggle. Every day and night we come against new challenges with Gordon. How high a dose of Bonkazapam should we give him? Should we use the straight jacket to control his fits of rage? We are at our wits end here, please, someone help us,” doctor Wilson Patrick, told Labour controlled newspaper, the Mirror, yesterday.

Let us all hope that Mr Brown gets a good nights sleep soon.

The queue to exit the state of Arizona is long, as many who have brown skin scramble to leave the state or be arrested.

“I fear for my safety. I regularly visit a tanning salon but I’ve been caught up in this mess. I’m not even a Mexican or other form of untermenschen, but may be lumped in with that lot simply because of my temporary skin colour,” Louise Hamberdinger, 27, from Phoenix told CBS news.

Another resident who was caught up in the new directive is Samuel Johnson, 45, who recently got back from Hawaii: “I gots me a dark tan and when I got to the airport they said I should go back because I looked like a wetback. Shit, I been called a lot of things in the past but that got my goat, so I pulled out my johnson and showed them it was white as the goddamn White House. They let me through customs then for sure.”

One of the law’s sponsors, Republican Rep. John Kavanagh, was unrepentant about the effect the new law has had on the state’s residents: “They’re leaving in great numbers. This is a very effective strategy, hell, the Germans used the same kind of law in 1939, why not now too?”