17.7 C
London
Monday, December 22, 2025
secret satire society
Home Blog Page 686

Get Ready For Third, Fourth and Fifth EU Bailouts

2

Kicking the can down the road for the inevitable is something that is extremely dangerous. Instead of facing the problem of the PIIGS and solving this issue once and for all, the higher Northern EU countries have elected to put a temporary plaster over the debt black hole and hope it somehow goes away.

Greece will now be on its second bailout with a national debt of 340 billion euros, and after six more years of painful austerity, it will reduce its debt down by only 4%. This is for a country which has very little industry, very little prospective growth and a toxic population of militant workers who are used to not paying much tax and living off EU subsidy handouts.

“I can’t see this being worth it for the Greeks. Can you imagine the pain of the poor everyday people in Greece who will have to suffer for many years under austerity. They will have to pay more tax while the rich sail around in their yachts not paying a penny. Retiring will be a thing of the past as they have to pay their German masters,” Johnson Aros, an American economist told the Financial Times.

The current bailout could be a cover for the Northern European banks to move their money out of countries like Greece and Portugal.

The Northern European banks are heavily entrenched in these poor Southern European countries and are trying to move as much money out before the whole load is dumped on the taxpayer again. It will be very similar to Lehman Brothers, however this time the shockwave will reach Bunga Bunga land and Spain. Once that happens, dig down, because the whole world will get sucked under into the precipice.

This new round of bailouts by the EU will also impact on the British taxpayer who will have to foot some of the bill, due in part to the former Chancellor, Alistair Darling, who signed the UK up for an EU rescue fund just before he was ousted from office. Therefore, the already strained finances of the UK will be used to prop up countries that wasted and continue to waste trillions of euros.

The EU has no Treasury as of yet, and this new round of bailouts could also be the precursor for an early version of an EU Treasury.

That is another nail in the coffin for sovereignty and democracy in Europe, where the central Treasury will be all encompassing and have the power to enforce major changes in countries which have been swallowed up by the Fascist EU bloc.

As control systems go, the EU is a floating behemoth that swallows whole countries whole, assimilates them, then spits out an empty shell.

The EU destroys Individuality, it assimilates in a Borg-like fashion.

“To assimilate fully, we must first destroy completely. This is what we have done to Greece. The game is up for them, they are completely under our control,” Jean-Claude Juncker, told the EU parliament.

The Fasci rods of the Thousand Year Reich are once again back, and what’s more, they have achieved all of this without a single shot being fired.

Take one last look at the poor Greeks. They are not Greeks anymore but a beaten people, they have been defeated by unelected technocrats in lands far away up North, away from the rolling olive tree laden hills and the crystal blue Aegean sea.

Drink another Ouzo, dear Greeks, what has happened to your lands that you fought for thousands of years? They have been sold off for a cheap price as has your national identity.

Brussels Orders End to British Curries

0

Britain’s love affair with the Friday night pissed up balti and vindaloo will be phased out by a new EU directive from Brussels next week as it orders British people to eat something more European.

“It’s a Brit tradition. You go down the curry house, get boozed up on eight pints of watered down lager, take the piss out of the waiters, then order a vindaloo or two. Next morning you’ll be on the khasi pissing it all out of your burning arse. It’s part of our culture, innit,” Jed Moran, 45, a man from Liverpool told the BBC.

The EU wants the new curry directive to be implemented by next week.

“Ve haf vays of making you eat frites with mayonnaise. Also you Englishers will haf to show your papers before you eat at ze restaurant und all eating zones will haf to show ze EU swastika, ahem, I mean star flag,” comrade Jacques Stasi, one of the unelected bureaucrats in charge of the operation, told Bild from Berlin on Tuesday.

All eating establishments in England and Wales will be required to only serve EU regulated meals plus regulations regarding appearance will require restaurants and eateries to fly an EU flag outside the door.

Prime Minister, David Cameron, who was last seen swimming in a sewer somewhere near Wapping, was not available for comment about the new EU directive, and probably did not care much for it either.

Kung Fu Fighting Deng Saves Murdoch

This film is absolutely amazing. It’s about a female Kung Fu concubine who protects her master and sugar daddy. Starring new martial artist, Wendi Deng, and the Murdoch boys, there are fights galore to keep any fight enthusiast happy.

John Anselmo, 24, who saw the film in New York last night said: “There’s a great scene when an assailant tries to assault ailing grand master Rupert, but is thwarted by kung fu fighting concubine Wendi. It is absolutely awesome. The foam was flying for sure.”

“Wendi is awesome in this movie. She comes out slapping and hacking. I’m not sure which style of Kung Fu she is doing but it’s very effective,” another happy cinemagoer explained to Fox news.

The film is set to be released in the UK in September and will also be in 3D so get ready for some brutal fight scenes that will have you cowering in your seat.

Police to be Armed With Brown Paper Bags

5

The police will from now on be armed with a simple paper bag so that during any form of altercation or criminal activity, money can be slipped into the bag and the issue can be resolved quickly and painlessly.

“This is going to solve a lot of crimes because once our officers receive their cash in the brown bags, they will simply walk away or even better still go on a prolonged all-expenses paid pamper spa session at Champneys. Don’t forget, we only use eco-friendly recycled brown paper bags at the Met, so rest assured we are also saving the planet as well as fighting crime,” Sir Paul Scribbers said in today’s issue of the News of the World.

The Home Secretary, Theresa May, welcomed the new police crime initiative, even going on to say that she would like a brown paper bag herself in Westminster, just like all the other MPs.

Even Prime Minister, David Cameron, chipped in on Sunday to praise the new police paper bag initiative.

“This is a great way of reducing erroneous crime statistics. If you commit a crime, you simply go to a McDonalds drop off zone, preferably in the Wapping area, signal to a policeman, who presents a brown paper bag to you. Of course, the amount of cash you deposit in the bag determines whether you walk free that day or not. This is simple economics and is a great way of solving the awful crime wave that is around at the moment. I have to reiterate that the brown paper bag means everyone’s happy, the criminal, as well as the bent copper,” the jubilant PM was quoted saying from his retreat in Chequers.

Lady GaGa Has Other Leg Amputated

She loved the attention her first amputation got her in 2010 and now GaGa has gone for her right leg, having it amputated in a medical facility in China last week.

“This is something she wanted to do so much. It has defined her sick image that her legs should be amputated just below the knee. She wants to show the world and her fans that she is a dedicated artiste and will do anything for her art. She is an anti-creative artiste who has chopped her legs off to define and accentuate her expressionist desire for freedom of art. It is the ultimate sacrifice and she should be applauded for her bravery and strength for her art,” GaGa’s manager, Alistair Mancuso, told CBS news on Thursday.

Naturally, after news of the amputation fed through to the media, disabled charities were in a state of outrage.

“There are people suffering out of no choice of their own and this monstrous woman has gone on to have her legs amputated for fashion? It is disgusting, narcissistic, attention seeking behaviour,” Julie Lamer, a disability campaigner for the Legless charity told MTV.

 

In response, GaGa’s team have vowed to donate a portion of the proceeds of her next single called ‘No Legs Are Better Than One’ to charity.

Lady GaGa’s rise into the pop charts has been meteoric and she is known to make a cool $300 million per year on album sales alone.

Rupert Murdoch and Son Taken to Guantanamo Bay

0

Speaking from the White House, Barack Hussein Obama said: “My fellow Americans. This is one meeting I am not going to walk out of because it is imperative that I hang around and tell you about the Murdochs. This morning I ordered the Federal Bureau of Investigation to raid the Murdoch penthouse in Manhattan and to take the evil Murdochs to Gitmo. They hacked 9/11 victims’ phones. Yes, you heard right, the same shits who run Fox news were hacking the cell phones of 9/11 victims and families. These despicable, heinous, hypocritical acts made me actually lose my cool when I heard them and I bust a nut man, yep, I threw a few papers around in the Oval office and I kind of made some angry noises under my breath. Shi-i-i-e-t mofo, I feel like getting medieval on someone’s ass right now, those boys need to get taken down big time. It was kinda nice seeing them wearing the orange jump suits as they were put on the plane to be flown to Gitmo. For a change I was decisive. I was proud of myself, hey, looks like I’m slowly getting some fuckin’ balls for a change. Sheesh!”

Terrorist

Rupert Murdoch and his son will be imprisoned in Guantanamo bay for the next 50 years without any chance of parole.

Some of the wonderful amenities the Murdochs will be enjoying at the detention camp will be daily beatings, hourly electro-shock treatment on the testicles and daily humiliation sessions with special guest Lynndie England.

The Murdochs will be confined to a 3 by 4 foot cage for 23 hours a day where they can relax and think about their crimes against humanity.

Obama's American Ghetto

5

A man standing on a soap box outside the White House yesterday summed up the Obama presidency well: “Obama was going to be a uniter of peoples; he was going to stop the wars; he was going to lift us all up from the malaise and disenchantment of the Bush years, instead he made things worse, he ghettoised America, he misspent our money, he made huge mistakes that will cost our country for many generations to come, he never took us up, he played golf and took us down, the man is a sham pure and simple, him and his bogus stimulus packages which he used to furnish his friends in big government, him and his cronies with which he brought in a crippling new health care system that will bankrupt America even further. I say to you Americans, what has this man done for your country? He’s done a lot — to make it worse.”

Obama not only abandoned the ordinary people of America but he abandoned a major faction of the population, the disenfranchised black population who were so desperate for a champion, someone to lead them out of the terrible mess they have been wallowing for so long.

Speaking in Detroit, John Massa, 42, a janitor from Dearborn High School said: “Obama has condemned his brothers and sisters to hell. This guy could have helped us, he could have changed things so that America was not so divided between rich and poor, black and white. Ni**er fucked us up man, we lost our homes, our jobs, our hope, we back in the 1920’s now. No way in hell are the black people going to support this guy again, he destroyed his own people with his wasteful policies. No way is he being re-elected. Obama is a traitor to his own race, pure and simple.”

Obama’s nonchalance, his ineffectual naivity, his impotent limp Marxist aspirations have emasculated America.

“It’s as if Obama took the strutting bull of America, got his yes men to grab it by the horns and injected it with massive amounts of oestrogen. Obama has castrated America. The velocity of its decline will increase thanks to his inexperienced unworldly indecisive idiocy. Hey, maybe that was his job in the first place. In that case, all glory to him, he has done a great job in taking us down for many, many generations to come,” an ex-democrat voter told the Washington Times.

News International Staff to Get New Identities

0

News International, which also publishes The Sun, The Times and The Sunday Times, said that thousands of its staff would be under identity protection programs costing the taxpayer millions of pounds per annum.

Rebekah Brooks, CEO of NI has already had her head shaved and undergone major plastic surgery so that no one recognises her, as has Rupert Murdoch and his son.

“They will all be given new identities and new disguises so they can lead new lives away from the extreme scandal and shame of their previous incarnations as slimey scumbag eavesdroppers. Mr Murdoch, who has lost everything including his Philipino mail order bride, is now living in a tower block in Lambeth, oops I just gave his location away,” Detective constable Brown Payperbag, of the Witness Protection program told the BBC.

Corrupt Politicians Investigating Corrupt Media Investigating Corrupt Police

0

“We are investigating corruption in the Murdoch owned media while the corrupt media have investigated us for corruption of MPs expenses and the corrupt police are investigating other corrupt police officer, corrupt journalists and MPs whilst being investigated themselves by corrupt politicians and corrupt News International papers,” Keith Vaz, a twice convicted corrupt MP told a commons hearing this morning.

Corrupt evidence presented to a committee of corrupt MPs reviewing the corrupt police investigation into the Murdoch corruption scandal has pointed the insidious finger of corruption at pretty much everyone.

“Everyone in this room is a cowardly corrupt swine. What are you all going to do about it?” a member of the public shouted from the gallery.

All the MPs, policemen and journalists assembled in the corruption chamber then hung their heads in shame, some even slinking out unnoticed never to be seen or heard of ever again.

Hell Hath No Fury Like a Labour-ite Scorned

1

Bring out the Labour attack dogs. As much as they have ruined our country and its economy, they had made a Faustian pact with Murdoch under Tony Blair and he pretended to support them until a bigger better deal came along, and that was David Cameron.

Now the scorned labour-ites have brought the knives out for Murdoch and his evil merry men and women of News International and they may very well succeed in sinking the ship with its precious cargo of filth.

“This is Labour’s ace card. They planned well in advance to leak this underhand hacking stuff to the world. Funny, it was alright when Labour were in the driving seat, but now that the Conservatives are in power it is a different story. Labour was all too happy to turn a blind eye to the major corruption of all News international journalists and police when it suited the Labour agenda,” a Westminster political commentator told the Independent newspaper.

No one likes Gordon Brown, but he still has garnered major sympathy from the public because of the way the evil Murdoch-created gargoyle Rebekah Brooks has conducted herself concerning Brown’s disabled son. This is a man who brought in more surveillance and Big brother controls than Stalin ever wished to have in Russia, it seems he did not like it much when others were watching him and looking through his records.

“On a human level, one would have sympathy with Brown, however, he was all too happy to use the services of News International when his government was in power under Tony Blair. Live by the sword, die by the sword. Except, this time, he’s exacting his revenge on being scorned by the Murdochs and the voters,” a Fleet Street journo told the BBC.

And what news of David Cameron? Well, with his reputation now in tatters, he was tricked by the Murdoch empire and may never recover his credibility because of his association with the lepers of News International.

This News International strain of media corruption will of course be used by the government to increase control of the media and destroy Britain’s famous freedom of the press. One thing is for sure, do we want a press that is similar in vain to American and French mainstream journalism where everything is heavily censored, skewed and controlled by the government? Surely not.