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Think Tank: How Obama Killed Internet and Free Speech

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Think Tank: How Obama Killed Internet and Free Speech

The independent think tank, Linguistic Policy Institute, based in Boston, Massachusetts, has released a paper about President Barack Obama’s fight against free speech, and his totalitarian program of soviet political correctness, controlled information, anti-privacy war on internet users.

Doctor Frank Oritz, a senior fellow of the institute outlines some of the charges against Barack Obama and his attack on freedom of speech.

“Obama’s legacy is not only one of murder through thousands of killer drones meting out death wherever they go, but one of the death of thought, free speech and ultimately — the internet.

“What Obama has done to free speech is kill it dead utilising a bias-oriented justice system and governmental control. He has effectively put the gears forward to shut down free speech on the internet, and is now planning an even more erroneous putsch that will destroy freedom of expression completely. Plans are coming into place for a Chinese style thought control program called the “National Strategy for Trusted Identities in Cyberspace” which will force every internet user to completely give up their privacy, be labelled, and tracked even further than is usual by the NSA.

“Through the use of nefarious underhand soviet techniques of controlling journalism, threatening loss of earnings, and employment as well as undermining news organisations, Obama has been able to skew news in his favour in North America, even threatening to bring in FCC monitors into newsrooms. The Obama control machine has also actively controlled search engines for his own agenda of totalitarian control.

“The internet used to be an amorphous bubble of free thought, but under the Stalinist policies of the Obama administration, it has been stunted, raped and had its core eviscerated.

“Is there any hope for the internet now that it is so heavily controlled? The answer is, no. Thanks to Barack Obama it is finished.”

Note from the editor: This article may not be on here much longer or the Daily Squib for that matter.  Hail..freedom of speech!

Ukraine to Get Paid by U.S. to Stop Corruption

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Ukraine to Get Paid by U.S. to Stop Corruption

 

“I am going to bribe..ahem..give you guys billions of dollars so you stop bribing and corrupting each other. This is going to be a big bribe so the little bribes stop altogether or don’t get noticed so much,” Joe Biden said as he handed a Ukraine official a brown envelope.

The unofficial rules therefore are: if it’s a very large sum of money, then it’s not a bribe.

Ukrainian officials today took the U.S. money, and proceeded to spend it as quickly as possible.

“We don’t have much time. Might as well get our kicks before the shit hits the fan and we lose the lot,” Varkov Sliminski told a local reporter.

Ghost of Bob Crow Photographed During Tube Strike

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Ghost of Bob Crow Photographed During Tube Strike

Mavis Altringham, from Stepney, East London decided to take a picture this morning at Earl’s Court station, much to her astonishment she later found a ghostly image of Bob Crow on the digital photograph.

“I had to wrestle through thousands of people. One person fell on the tracks, lucky for him there were no trains. When I got to the top of the platform I took a picture of the mass of poor people huddled together in abject misery. I did actually think of Bob Crow as I was taking the picture, and lo and behold, when I looked at the camera later his ghostly image was there, sipping on some expensive wine. Looks like he’s enjoying himself in hell as much he enjoyed himself while he was still alive. Cheeky bugger, innit.”

Naturally the Daily Mail has published a full page spread of the amazing ghostly event.

If any readers have any more photos of Bob Crow’s ghost please send them in to: Bob’s Tube Strike Haunting Comp, P.O. Box 2343, Claridges Road, W1 7QW The winner of the photo competition will receive a crate of 2005 Château Pétrus

Ukip, Wekip, Theykip

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Ukip, Wekip, Theykip

 

Naturally the Squib was up on the whole Ukip thing a while back, and our words then, seem to be coming true now.

Here’s a brief guide on the political parties:

1) Conservatives – Certainly enterprising, they’re good for making money, but you have to play by their rules. Cammo is a europhile, and will do anything to get us into the EU single currency.

2) Labour – Socialists of the highest order. Good at spending taxpayers money we don’t have, will increase taxes to impoverish everyone and increase our debt burden again through unfettered spending, look at France’s Hollande as an example, and Gordon Brown. Miliband is not only a europhile but a Marxist pinko commie, just like his dad.

3) Lib Dems – Nothing. Absolutely nothing..

4) Ukip – Wants out of Europe, send the fuckers home, the lot of them, even the ones born here. Farage seems to talk with a brutish honesty when it comes to mass immigration into this tiny island. Appeals to people with some form of common sense. Not very friendly to ‘darkies’ though, as for economic policy, well if everyone who wasn’t meant to be in Britain left tomorrow, the economy would boom. The world is a very large place, and Europe is not everything when it comes to trade. Keywords, manufacturing, manufacturing, manufacturing. It’s just a case of exiting one totalitarian state for another — the soviet EU for Ukip.

5) None of the Above – It’s all a load of bollocks and a sideshow to keep the masses entertained. Elections don’t solve anything because the same people behind the scenes are always still in charge and dictate all policy. Democracy, in the modern sense does not exist in the UK, EU, or US. Best to leave it all alone eh..

God Kind of Bored of Humans

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God Kind of Bored of Humans

 

“You know, I get up every morning and I hear these same words every day: ‘Oh God, please help me,’ ‘Oh God, this, oh God that’. It just bores me now, I mean I created all of this and I look down and see these people moaning all the time, and look what they did to my back garden? I’m sorry folks but this is not how it was meant to be. These people praying to me every day, it’s so boring, get a life will you, look around some times, do something else for God’s sake.”

No one knows God’s plans but he seems to be getting itchy feet and may move on to better pastures.

Religious leaders also have the same fear that God may move on to another galaxy far far away or maybe retire.

“I hope he doesn’t get bored of all of us. We pray to him every minute of the day and that’s all we do. Surely that’s not boring is it, praying every second of the day and calling out for God?” some preacher from some church said after hearing the news report.

American Right Wingers Not Racist Says Cliven Bundy

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American Right Wingers Not Racist Says Cliven Bundy

 

You see the American nation has gone to a place called Apathy. There is something in apathy that denotes a calm, before a very large storm.

“We got nothing to lose. I make a comment about lazy Negroes and I get politicians who backed me running for cover, even though I was misquoted by the NYT. I just said something that most right wingers know is true but they still ran. You want to know why? Because it is not politically correct and is racist, but look at our nation, we only let blacks ride on our buses with us 60 years ago. American law was racist a few years back, and even though the laws changed eventually, the sentiment with most right wing Americans didn’t. They know it’s there but no one dares say anything. That’s why I said it folks, frankly I don’t give a damn. Everyone’s racist anyway, it’s just a part of human nature, get over it. Now excuse me while I get my gun ready, got some shooting to do,” Mr Bundy said from his ranch.

Here’s a video that Cliven Bundy may enjoy.

 

Giggs Treated Moyes Like a Member of the Family

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Giggs Treated Moyes Like a Member of the Family

Everyone loves a good ending, but that’s not what happened to Manchester United’s former manager David Moyes.

“Moyes? Well I treated him like a brother. That’s all I am going to say,” a rushed Ryan Giggs commented on the football pitch.

What is it with these footballers and their spit roasting? New Manchester United interim manager, Ryan Giggs has also vowed to put a super-injunction on any other comments about the now ousted Moyes.

Manchester United fans were incandescent about the Moyes treatment and are now demanding the return of Sir Alex Ferguson, to clean up the cess pool a little.

Cornish Pasty Blockade on England Unjust Say MPs

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Cornish Pasty Blockade on England Unjust Say MPs

Now that Cornwall has seceded from the rest of the country, Cornish pasties have become somewhat of a rarity.

“We’re like the French now, we put a blockade on everything because we’re so superior. If you want a pasty, make your own, you snivelling gits,” Hadrek Casworon, a Cornish pasty dealer from Cornwall told a BBC reporter before giving him a good punt in the gangools.

MPs at Westminster have however sought to thwart the pasty blockade by sending in trucks full of fish and chips, you know as a negotiating tool.

“We are dismayed at this Cornish arrogance towards the rest of the country. We demand the blockade is lifted immediately and the Cornish pasties released,” Graham Natswallop, MP for Chesterwick, said on Friday.

Former Labour MP, John Prescott, is so upset at the moment that he has locked himself in a darkened room.

Meanwhile, across the border up North, further trouble was brewing as the Scots threatened to blockade a delivery of haggis down South, the funny thing is, no one is that much bothered about that.

From Russia With Tanks

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From Russia With Tanks

“The latest instalment from James Bond will involve the secret agent hanging around Ukraine while it’s being invaded by Russia with thousands of tanks,” Tubby Celery, the new film’s producer revealed today.

It will be up to the secret agent to report back to MI6 all of the goings on as the native Ukrainian people run for their lives during the invasion.

Bond will be up against a Russian spy, Olga Takitoff, and this time he meets his vodka Martini shaken and stirred.

“I’m not going to reveal the plot of the film but let’s just say James Bond always wins in all the films, but in this one, he gets a tank shell embedded in his arse. Oops! I just spoiled the end of the film,” Mr Celery apologetically said before slinking away with his head bowed.

Kate Middleton is How Every Wife Should Behave

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Kate Middleton is How Every Wife Should Behave

If you haven’t been living in an alternate universe, or some secluded island in the Pacific ocean without any access to the media, you will no doubt have come across multiple stories and picture exclusives of Kate Middleton (AKA The Duchess of Cambridge) everywhere with her husband the Duke of Cambridge.

Psychologist and royal physician, Professor Alan Tenderton, has said a few words about the Duchess and how every woman should treat her husband like Kate Middleton.

“Women need to treat their husbands like Kate treats William. She is totally compliant, subservient and is completely loyal to her husband William. I don’t know any man who would not want such a wife. She has shown herself to be completely dedicated to being a good wife and mother. This is what women today should be concentrating on, in serving their husbands, in a selfless loving manner, not answering back, not arguing and not trying to get one over the masculine as a lot of women do today. Kate not only looks good but radiates devotion to her man and she does not need to voice her opinions on anything until asked. Girls need to be taught at a young age to serve men, in all things, to accompany them and to step back from feminism, which is the antithesis of harmonious relationships with the sexes.”

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