Dear Comrades, this is a brief review of the wonderful book that will form your re-education into JUCHE – How to Live Well the North Korean Way.
Living the way of Juche does not necessarily mean you will have to live your pitiful North Korean life eating boiled shoe soles, or the bark off trees, or boiled grass, it means much, much more.
Juche means ‘self-reliance’ and is pronounced ‘joo-chay’. As in some socialist nations like Venezuela, we can see Juche is utilised to great effect, where used toilet paper is supplied, and lucky socialist citizens pick their fresh lunch and dinner from rubbish dumps.
Living well the North Korean way should not be the preserve of Politburo members who get to shop in special shops, and even have their own lanes on the motorways, it should be a philosophy that exemplifies the mighty culture of the Fatherland.
Reading this book, or should we say manual on how to live correctly, and to think in the right Soviet self-reliant mindset will set you free from the gross Imperialistic injustices of Capitalism which fills every decent Juche following North Korean with immense disgust.
You must forge a path through this Red Book of Juche implementing its many doctrines so that you yourself are an island of self-sufficiency and others will look up to you as a beacon of Soviet light.
From work, lifestyle, entertainment, relationships and the final curtain — ageing, this amazing book will teach you how to live, to love your enslavement to communism, and will even give you essential tips on North Korean interior design.
Replete with guides on how to deflect the slings and arrows of banal Western culture and capitalistic outrage, Juche will show you the Western terrible way of living, and then conduct your attention to the correct Soviet way of living.
This book will even show you what to say on North Korean dating apps, although there are no North Korean dating apps as many are not allowed an internet connection or smartphone in the DPRK, but that is neither here nor there, it is quite possible high ranking Soviet Comrades are allowed to pretty much do anything they want, and have access to whatever Western capitalistic vice that exists.
Put down your North Korean champagne, for you are simply a Socialist comrade from Islington, North London, you must purchase this book for your family members this Christmas, then throw the turkey out the window and replace it with a quarter ration of boiled rice.
Comrades, order your book now or forever be consigned to waste, greed and the evil of free market capitalism — JUCHE is the ONLY WAY!
About Author Oliver Grant
Oli was born in 1993. After graduating from The University of Bristol with a degree in English Literature and Drama, he got a job in publishing, which he is yet to be fired from. He hopes to be married with children one day.