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HomeWorldThe Joys of Modern Air Travel During the Pandemic

The Joys of Modern Air Travel During the Pandemic

SAN JUAN - Puerto Rico - It is truly a joyous experience to travel in a commercial passenger jet during the Chinese Virus Pandemic.

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Tis truly joyous to fly the skies these days during the Chinese Virus pandemic. Relax, sit back in your cattle class seat amongst your fellow passengers and inhale the adorable odours of their feet and pungent body odour. It’s all about social distancing here as you fly at 35,000 feet above the ocean, as each passenger is crammed much like a sardine is crammed in a tin 2 millimetres apart.

Who needs flight entertainment videos, when out of the blue a berserker emerges, lashing out inanely, her mouth rabidly frothing, her eyes glaring in a rage only reserved for life and death situations? Yes, this is a woman, and she is acting like a wild animal that has emerged from its cage. The savagery of her attacks prompts about six burly male passengers to stand up and attempt to stop this primitive beast from doing any more damage, but this thing keeps going, there is nothing that will get in its way.

goldage travel
How air travel used to be

If six large men cannot do anything to stop this creature, what will? One of the men even tries to tame the beast for a few seconds by holding it by the hair, but it lashes out with even more ferocity, its eyes blazing with insanity. This particular animal cannot be domesticated though, and it continues biting, gnashing its teeth wildly and uttering the most blood-curdling screams one can imagine.

Thankfully the plane had landed earlier by orders of the pilot and two taser wielding figures arrive to electrify and hopefully subdue this grotesque flailing monster. Sadly, we do not hear the familiar clickedy-clack of the tasers amongst the yelling, but the job is finally done. The thing is dragged grunting inanely head first off the plane shaking its whole body wildly and will hopefully be banned from ever gracing an aeroplane again.

goldenage2
A picture of the golden age of travel

The journey over, now is the time to glow in triumph, to have just witnessed justice being meted out in such an electrifying manner warms the cockles of your heart. You are now yourself energised, and ready to disembark this particular craft, probably now riddled with coronavirus because of the shouting and commotion.

All that person had to do was to wear a mask, a simple enough task, but she refused and lost her mind in the process. Alas, the perils of stupid obstinate people with major chips on their shoulders, as well as massive grotesque amounts of arrogance.

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