The crowds and traffic jams are back at the beaches, so that’s where we’re going because we follow the crowd. We’re off to Coronavirus Beach this year.

It will be a great day out in the sunshine as everyone gets sweaty, and the sun tan oil drips all over the place. Yes, there will be very little free space on the sand so we will all bunch up together and enjoy the sunshine on Coronavirus Beach.

Have an ice cream or an ice lolly from the kind man who never washes his hands, or how about a pizza from the restaurant where the chef has a suspect cough, as he makes your pizza in the heat, the sweat from his greasy hair drips on to the toppings, and of course an odd pubic hair dredged up from his unwashed underpants always makes a surprise entry.

Frisbees and beach balls are in abundant supply all flying all over the place, landing on people, then others throwing them back, it’s all fun and games.

As soon as the sun comes out, Coronavirus Beach is the place people love to go and have fun. It’s seriously infectious, and will have you heaving for breath in no time with sheer exhaustion.

At the end of the day as the sun sets, everyone gets in their cars touching everything, and then goes home where they first touch everything and prepare an impromptu sandwich before retiring to beddie byes.

Hopefully tomorrow will be another day, so we can all go to Coronavirus Beach again and top up our tan, which is way more important than being in a pandemic.