17.7 C
London
Friday, June 21, 2024
secret satire society
HomeEntertainmentCowell Raw Sewage Injections Taking Toll

Cowell Raw Sewage Injections Taking Toll

LOS ANGELES - USA - Simon Cowell, the man behind untalent shows like the X Factor and Britain's Got Talent, is showing the strain of faecal injections.

Appearing on fellow Brit Piers Moron’s CNN showbiz ratings disaster show, Cowell started exhibiting odd behaviour as his face started to gloop and wilt, then bloat in some areas, almost like a blancmange or a terrified piece of jelly.

“I had another shit injection this morning, they pump it fresh from the sewer under my skin. I need to keep on top of my game because I’m polluting the entertainment industry with so much raw faeces it stands to reason that I should also have it pumped daily into my body,” Cowell told Moron before burping loudly.

“Have you let one go Simon? Ooph! It smells like poop!” a terrified looking Piers Moron questioned during the frank and revealing interview.

“No, I just burped,” Cowell replied trying to smile through his bloated face.

During the second segment of the interview, Simon Cowell started to talk about how his talent shows now dominate all forms of entertainment in the media and how his ‘artists’ have taken over the whole industry, when some brown liquid started seeping from his hairline. Immediately a studio worker handed Cowell a handkerchief, but the brown liquid kept coming and coming.

“Toilet paper and a bucket stat!” the studio hand shouted with abject panic in her voice.

The Piers Moron show audience were speedily evacuated as the sewage fumes engulfed the studio and filming was halted immediately.

“We put a bucket under his face but the sewage and flies kept coming, so we evacuated the studio,” a senior CNN production assistant revealed later on.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

Translate »