17.7 C
London
Saturday, March 2, 2024
secret satire society
HomeEntertainmentInside the Newly Furnished Frogmore Cottage 'Blinged Up' On Orders From Meghan

Inside the Newly Furnished Frogmore Cottage ‘Blinged Up’ On Orders From Meghan

WINDSOR - England - After spending £2.4 million to furnish Frogmore Cottage on the orders of Meghan Markle, taxpayers who footed the bill have a right to know what their money was spent on.

buy squib book

After the UK taxpayer footed a bill of £2.4 million to have Frogmore Cottage, Windsor renovated on orders of Meghan Markle, an invited group reveal the extravagant changes undertaken to accommodate the ‘bling’ duchess.

“Imma axe y’all to nawt tek any photigraffs ‘n’ shiet so as to preservisize da privacy ‘n’ shiet of da duchess in da Frogmore Castle ‘n’ shiet, yanumsayin?” Meghan’s personal maid, Latoyshaquanda tells reporters as they enter the newly renovated property.

Immediately, we are all dazzled by the extravagant furnishings that would make a grotesquely vulgar rapper on an episode of ‘Cribs’ blush with embarrassment.

Fifty Cent (Fiddy) would have a hernia just looking at this gold and fake diamond covered shit.

The sofas, gold and pink in colour, shine so much that many reporters have to cover their eyes, and no one is allowed to sit on anything even though the seats are covered in cheap plastic sheeting.

“Unh, unh, none o y’all muffuggas allowed on da couch. I see any o ya niggaz even tryin’ dat shit Imma bust some caps in yo azz!” Latoyshaquanda bellows at the top of her voice.

 

The paintings on the walls previously were 18th and 17th century masterpieces depicting beautiful English rural scenes but those were thrown out with the rest of the antiques and replaced with garish vulgar portraits of Meghan. There is not one picture of Harry anywhere.

“Dis here da humanitarianz room! George Clooney and his waff Anal visit here to present Meghan wit nu prajects n shiet. I dunno whut goes on here but y’all can see a map of da wurld on da wall, she gon conquer it awl!”

Later, Latoyshaquanda ushers the guests into the newly built bespoke basketball court where Megain brings all her American friends to play. There is a fully stocked bar and fast food joint to the rear. According to servants, Meghan likes to have assorted American delicacies like fried chicken wings sent up to her room on a regular basis as well as tonnes of bananas, chitlins, collard greens, rice and beans, ham hock, corn bread, chicken feet.

“Sho! She can call at 4am ‘n’ say she wants a bucket chicken, fries, onion rings, jug of cola, strawberry sundae wit awl da trimmings, some cawfee, ‘n’ a pepperoni pizza. Our chef don’ sleep, he serve dat bitch all da tam! Yanumsayin?”

The guests were not permitted to view the bedrooms, but the maid lets slip that since the baby was born, poor prince Harry now sleeps in a separate room on his own.

“Massa Harry, his room just gotta beid. Thassit! Poor mufugga! Oops!”

Someone points at a red phone.

“Dat is da phone Meghan dialls da Queen to ax her fo’ mo money! It flashes red when da Queen cawls to tell Meghan she dun somthang wrong agin! Thas when she ignore it!” Latoyshaquanda, reveals giggling to herself.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
- Advertisment -
curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press

NEWS ON THE HOUR

curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

Translate »