“I thought they were decent enough looking chaps coming to eat in my restaurant, one had a big white mane of hair, kind of scruffy, the other looked like a real piece of work going by the name of Osborne, then there was the boy in the back, Cammo they called him, he seemed polite at first but it was obvious after a few minutes that he was a real poncey shit,” the owner of Tony’s Cafe, in the heart of Tottenham, North London, told the BBC.
According to reports, the rambunctious Bullingdon boys walked into a number of premises, smashed the places up and looted everything. On their way out they were seen dropping a Bullingdon card and a few fifty quid notes to pay for the damage.
The boys wore coat tails and top hats during the vile acts of violence and did not seem phased by the police turning up.
“I thought I’d seen it all, but when I saw those toffee nosed yobbos ruffling through the shops looting and pillaging I realised that we had a real problem on our hands,” chief constable, Plodder, said from the safety of his armoured vehicle.
There are now plans to bring in water cannons to try and thwart the Bullingdon bullies from causing any more outrageous acts of senseless violence, like wrecking the economy, and bullying little defenceless cry babies like non-Etonion, Cleggy.