Prime Minister, David Cameron himself commissioned the massive battered mars bar to be made and presented to the Scottish people prior to voting on the Scottish referendum held in a few days time.

“If this doesn’t sway the Yes voters I don’t know what will,” a nervous PM said from Downing Street.

The gargantuan deep fried mars bar is the creation of a catering company in Cheshire, who have been constructing the mars monstrosity for three weeks now.

“The deep fried mars bar has a length of 65 feet and width of approximately 35 feet. It weighs over 18 tonnes and had to be deep fried in specially constructed deep fat frying machines made in Germany specifically for this purpose. We used over 8 tonnes of batter and the caramel was shipped over from twenty locations worldwide. We are gifting this large deep fried mars bar to Scotland as an impetus to vote No to independence,” managing director of Halstow Confectioneries told the BBC.

The deep fried mars bar left its warehouse this morning at 5am and a specialist crane lifted it onto an HGV for the arduous journey up North.

People have been lining the streets as the deep fried mars bar goes through villages, towns and city centres along its route, cheering it on.

“We had some kids trying to bite chunks off it when going through one village, we had to get security in,” Chief Inspector Collin Waring, revealed.

The estimated time of arrival in Glasgow should be by 4pm Wednesday, just in time for feeding time when the chippies open.

Follow the Deep Fried Mars Bar Journey LIVE only on the Daily Squib

Timeline

5am – Mars bar has left the warehouse and is being loaded onto an HGV lorry.

5.30am – The mars bar has now travelled 4 miles and is at a roundabout near an industrial estate

6am – Rush hour morning traffic and onlookers have slowed the mars bar down.

8am – The mars bar is now about to enter the motorway heading North. Police escorts have arrived to protect the mars bar.

12.03pm – The mars bar convoy stops at a Little Chef as the drivers and police are a little peckish. Perhaps they’ll be having mars bars?

12.15pm – News just in SNP leader Alex Salmond has told Yes voters to avert their eyes and plug their nostrils when the mars bar crosses the border into Scotland.

We can guarantee that Alex Salmond will not take Scotland to Independence on a variety of reasons.

Firstly, there are many voters within Scotland who were not born there, and are of English descent, it is their vote which will push the No vote.

Yes, the ‘yes’ word is a positive word, however regarding independence, yes is now looked upon as a no, no. One must also factor in those who control commerce, and it is they who truly control all politics, polls and economic policy. There has been an emphatic, no from the commercial world.

If the Scots were serious about Independence they would create a military unit now and secure the vote, but they have not done so, therefore they are at the mercy of foreigners living in Scotland, who will vote no.

A vast number of Scots depend on welfare payments paid by the English taxpayer, this is another major reason why the Scots will vote no, as an Independent Scotland may result in a loss of their benefits and booze money.

Alex Salmond has already lost, one only has to look in his eyes to see that, and thus, the United Kingdom will prevail.