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Fox News Reporters Brave the Horrors of Birmingham

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Doug Ignant, Fox News terror expert recalled some of the horrors the war correspondents had to deal with on a recent trip to Birmingham.

“We came in in a Huey, fifteen clicks from Da Trang, the gooks were shooting at us all the way down. One of our camera guys, Joey, he got hit in the ankle by a stray bullet, poor bastard never got hit before and was crying like a little baby. Then out of nowhere, shazzam, some guy appears out of a bush, maybe he was Russian, he started shouting ‘Allahu Akbar’ I said okay and gave him a Snickers. That was our guide, nice guy named Charlie Abdul, we paid him fifty British pounds, I don’t understand this Limey money, why don’t they use dollars like everybody else? We got taken under a bridge, the city centre was through some trees, but they (sic) weren’t much left, just stumps. The city was blanketed by smoke and we couldn’t hear ourselves think from the sound of 50 cal bursts and mortars. I had my morphine, a camera and a notepad, that was it.”

At this point, the Fox war correspondents were ambushed by a dozen armed Jihadists and all communication was sadly lost.

The U.S. Air Force have been searching the area from the air with no luck yet.

DEVELOPING

Obama: Je Suis Charlie Hebdo

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“Ah, ya know got up in the morning, or was it afternoon or something, can’t remember? Someone gives me a piece of paper telling me something about world leaders in Paris France. Hell, you know me, any chance to get some free air miles and taxpayer hotel suites, but this time I just couldn’t do it. Ah shucks, after you’ve had one hundred presidential suites they all just the same, nome sayin’? I just said, tell them to send the ambassador, I got more important things to do like, er, play some golf and shit, maybe next massacre in France, I might make an appearance, but if there’s even more after that, it’s gotta be the ambassador for you Hebdo guys,” the president of the United States, Barack Hussein Obama told CNN on Tuesday.

American Economy Soars at Expense of Russia

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Vladimir Putin has been left with a greasy fried egg on his face as Americans boast about their soaring economy.

With a Fitch credit rating only one level above junk status, the Russians can only look on as the USA laughs at their economic misfortune.

“The US economy is exceeding all limits and is set to soar even further. What about those Russkies? Not only did we confiscate some serious billions from them but oil prices will be kept low for years, which is good for America but not for Russia, how you like that you hard headed vodka swilling ball sacks?” Rudy Meisner, a U.S. board of trade delegate taunted on a Russia Today transmission, Friday.

There was no reply from any Russians to the American snide remark, just silence as they upgraded their nuclear arsenal.

Sarcophagus Found in A&E Could Go to British Museum

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Jean Dremble, an A&E nurse discovered a sarcophagus on a hospital trolley in a corridor shortly after 4am on Sunday the BBC reported.

“Well, we have a lot of skeletons on trolleys so at first I thought nothing of it,” Ms. Dremble said of the incident.

After further inspection, it was revealed to be really, really old and will be sent to the British Museum for analysis.

Sunninghill hospital NHS managers were said to be ‘glad the thing was out of the way finally’ and one area of the corridor was clear.

The Next World War Will Be Science vs Religion

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Your unmoveable religious belief programming from birth may be strong but is it stronger than a robot coming towards you with a weapon? The robot has no conscience, no soul and has been programmed to kill you, you are a religious fanatic. Even if you manage to break one robot, ten more come around the corner, then ten more. You look up into the sky and a swarm of insect drones each armed, swoops down on you. The ground is no sanctuary as millions of slithering snake like and spider robots tumble over your legs vying for a bite of your organic flesh.

You like religion so much, no problem, when you are captured, your captors put an implant into your brain, then put you in a controlled coma where time is slowed down. You will thus live your religious hell out for what seems to be an eternity in your own mind. You will be strapped down or maybe working in a salt mine, but your mind will experience everything as if it were real. You will be in your own religious ecstasy in your happy mind but living a hell in reality.

Scientists will soon be able to replicate your religious feelings, they will be able to emulate this all too powerful human biological emotion and utilise religion in a safe controlled manner — you will be as religious as you wish in a confined mind prison.

Just think of the power that could be harnessed in having banks of religious fanatics working hard in their overclocked brains?

If it makes you happy, this can be arranged for you, why not breathe in millions of airborne nano processors through your nostrils, and you will not have an inkling that they are now moving all over your body’s circulatory system and inside your brain. One minute you are in biological reality and next you are part of a programmed computer reality. You may not even realise what happened as your previous memories are erased forever.

Why not instill additional feelings of nationalism mixed in with religion? These two human concepts could be banned in the future, but for people who can’t let them go, they will be put in farms where they can live out these religious nationalistic concepts in stasis until their hearts eventually give away.

For global governmental peace, the scientific society could well be a dictatorship, and with this comes complete military dominance. The biological, the religious and the nationalist will know that it faces certain defeat if it challenges the might of these fearful scientific weapons of the global New World Order. To oppose such formidable scientific weaponry in a world war is thus redeemed as futile.

Racism, is another in built human emotion, well, that can be programmed and subverted to the needs of whichever scientific society is globally in charge. Any perceived negative human emotion can be utilised against the carrier whether it be radical religion, racism or nationalism to a previous capitulated nation state.

Scandinavian countries in the present time have already pretty much adopted cashless societies, and soon this will be the norm for the global human populace. The supply of digital cash, of course will be controlled heavily from one central global bank, where those at the top of the pyramid will have an unlimited supply, whereas those at the bottom will be fed very little, and if they transgress at any point, all it takes is a click and no supply.

There is an algorithm for everything and what about algorithms created by artificial intelligence? Self repairing entities in their own right, 3D printed solutions to their ideas, a limitless technological infinity, tweaking, improving and evolving.

One man’s evil is another man’s good. And so it is established that an Islamic fundamentalist views a scientific man as evil, for the things he does. Vice versa, a scientific man views an Islamic fundamentalist as not so much evil, but misguided. Both fight their own evil, and both do good in their own eyes. Let us not be ignorant to the fact that the West is aligned with science and religious fundamentalists including some moderates are not.

In the universal mind, the concepts of good and evil are irrelevant and even if they exist as moral societal concepts on earth, they have no relevance in the totality. In good there are elements of bad and in bad there are elements of good, multiplied and divided infinitely into eventual nothingness, just deep space, dark matter, energy.

Why Satire is Important For Cultural Growth, Society and Humility

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Satirists and cartoonists should be praised all over the world for the sheer dedication to bringing forth questions and satire to our worldly problems.

The unflinching hard headed nature of satire is a big fuck you to hypocrisy and the disenfranchised totality of society.

People have died in the name of satire and they stuck to their staunch beliefs, pens still in their hands as the bullets rained down on them.

In 2013, the Daily Squib itself was punished severely by the Obama administration  when we wrote an article on Obamacare. Our SEO analysts analysed the data after the immediate date of publication and noticed a drastic 80% drop across the world in traffic. What’s more our site was nearly removed by Google. Thousands of links across the web were immediately erased only leaving a few remnants of our site. Our previously high traffic YouTube channel was blacklisted and has been put in the slow lane ever since. Whilst we do not blame Google who were only taking orders, the question must arise, that article must have hit some kind of nerve.

This is not free speech and the Daily Squib vows to continue writing satire even though we have barely recovered from the deluge of prohibition on our site.

Western civilisation should stand for freedom, not inhibition and underhand crippling techniques limiting free speech — only tyranny and terror are enemies of free speech.

Satirists everywhere must stick to their guns/pens whatever their struggle — to write what they write and depict whatever they depict.

Freedom in the so-called free West has sadly been thwarted, we are urging people to support satirists everywhere, they fight through the mass of prohibition for an essence of the truth unlike the controlled media, they are the other side, the unseen heroes who grasp for freedom with their pens.

If you value freedom, if you value the truth, hug a satirist today, support us, because if we don’t do something now, things will get a lot worse for society as a whole.

There is love in satire, because we see the bad and the good as it really is, it may mock but this world can only be cured by hard love, and that is what satire is, the hard truth, sent with love that some will not like, but the truth is our love to you. We love you and we put ourselves forward with opposite views, different configurations, lateral thoughts and streams of reality from behind the masks and curtains of satire.

The Daily Squib can see the future and is a warning to civilisation, humility, understanding, and the satirical free spirit of Juvenal.

Prince Andrew: “Phew, At Least I’m Off the Front Pages”

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What impeccable timing eh, one minute Prince Andrew had that squeaky bum feeling as his indescretions were plastered all over the news, and now nothing.

“Gosh! It’s as if I rubbed a magic lantern and a genie popped out granting me my wish,” the Duke told his lawyer today.

Funny how some crazed Islamic gunmen saved the day for the royal family. Time to get back to the old grind Andy Pandy, this time be more careful.

Free Speech: Political Correctness Just as Dangerous as Religious Fundamentalism

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The world at the moment is not a very humorous place, and there are many variables to illustrate this point.

The Daily Squib is a staunch believer in freedom of speech, it does not have nationality, religion or creed, it is merely a mirror of everything, timeless with no allegiance to any political party, faction or conglomerate, however we are knowledgeable and not ignorant to the dangers of attacking in writing the prophet of Islam. Muslims are still 400 years behind in religious evolution and were never party to a Rennaissence or Enlightenement like the European Christians. It is this profound ignorance that got members of Charlie Hebdo murdered as they should have had some knowledge of the situation, especially with their depiction of the Islamic prophet.

It is not just Islamic fanaticism that has constrained the media and Internet but it also has been stifled by the crippling farce of political correctness, a leftist vestige of communist soviet speech and control technique.

After the Charlie Hebdo shooting incident, it was interesting to see president Obama saying that free speech should be preserved, a rather hypocritical statement considering his record of skewing news in his favour and of cutting off news broadcasters from their viewers if they do not tow the line.

In the face of religious fundamentalism, political correctness is just as insidious yet without the bullets and knives.

Feminism also falls under the soviet technique of political correctness and is vastly damaging to free speech.

True freedom of speech should involve all points of view, whether pleasing to the controlling faction or not. If we want the whole picture, we must be able to take all flavours, and if you do not like one particular point, why not exercise your free will and gain your sustenance from elsewhere instead of going around and reporting something that offends you, just walk away, respect free speech.

Does lack of privacy enter the equation of free speech? Yes it does, and under the Obama regime, the NSA in America, and GCHQ in Britain have targeted journalists and news organisations, thus limiting what these organisations can say or do. This hinders free speech. It is all well and good citing the threat of terrorism for an increase in spying but that should not involve blanket spying on everyone, but targeted action against terrorism instead. Because of a few acts from a few people, why is it that the whole populace has to lose all their privacy and thus all be treated as terrorists? This is counter to everything the West stands for, and only reinforces those who seek to harm those who deem themselves free.

The notion of freedom itself is multi faceted, and we in the West claim to be free but if you look closely, you will realise the opposite is true. There is very limited freedom in the West today, one only has to look at the recent Scottish referendum to see how propaganda techniques were utilised to force a No vote. The same is sure to happen for the supposed EU referendum, which will probably never materialise anyway.

Instead of arresting trolls on Twitter or Facebook because some ninny got offended by a few words, would it not be better to get the police to arrest real criminals and terrorists?

Lest we forget the outspoken obvious joker, Katie Hopkins who is a professional agitator, she was recently nearly arrested for saying something about Jocks in Scotland. An utterly ridiculous incident where the PC brigade started a campaign to have her account deleted and reported her to the police. The PC thought police have nothing better to do obviously, especially whilst the real dangers are all around and yet they cannot see them instead choosing to twat about on Twitter.

Political correctness is now an agenda which is all prevailing, it curtails free speech, uses a mob mentality to police its agenda, and is equal in its prohibitive nature as Islamic fundamentalism.

The West Must Reinstate Compulsory Military Conscription Now

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All Western nations must instate compulsory military conscription to all fighting men over the age of eighteen if it is to have an equal footing to the threats emanating from the Middle East and Russia.

Back in September 2014 there were suggestions of such actions which were not heeded by Western governments, however with the recent shooting at the offices of French magazine, Charlie Hebdo in which twelve people were mercilessly gunned down, there is no other course for the West.

Costly air strikes are useless, and we wrote about that in 2014 as well. Not only have the United States been dropping supplies on the door step of Islamic fighters but they have been spending billions of dollars on limited air strikes on an enemy that is transient and fluid. When George W. Bush and Tony Blair attacked Iraq and Afghanistan in 2003, they unleashed a legacy that will live with the West for a very long time.

Time is running out for the West, its tenets of freedom of speech are moot when the waiting Islamic fighters have all the time in the world to fight and fight while the West’s leaders do nothing. Limited military action on the ground will not suffice either, it has to be full military conscription for every man and woman.

If you ever thought about joining the army, navy or air force, now is a good time to put this into action.

If you have never thought about joining the military, now is a good time to start preparing and thinking about it.

Full military conscription is the only way to proceed before it is too late. Increasing military budgets by 70% is the only way forward.

Join the Francais Armee de Terre

Join the Foreign Legion

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Join the U.S. Army

Join the U.S. Air Force

Join the U.S. Navy

Join the U.S. Special Forces

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Join the British Army

Join the Royal Air Force

Join the Royal Navy

Cosby Drugged My Pet Sheep Dimples Says Farmer

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It was late 1976 and Bill Cosby had arrived on a farm visit at the bequest of a friend.

“He came in the morning, and I had my pet sheep Dimples with me. I wanted to show him some farm yard animals as I was great fan of the Cosby Show. Then in the afternoon I was calling for Dimples, couldn’t find her anywhere. Bill came around the corner and said he had just been checking out the bushes. I thought nothing of it,” Elroone Draper, recalled.

After Bill Cosby had made his excuses, he left the farm and this is when things got really weird for Draper.

“I was tending the farm, and still no sight of Dimples. Then I saw something twitching in the bushes, it was Dimples. She looked kinda groggy. I got her up on her feet and saw she couldn’t walk all that good. You know with all this stuff in the news recently I had to say something. I still remember my little ol’ Dimples, how she just wasn’t right after that episode. Years later I showed her a picture of Bill Cosby. Never seen her run away so fast in my life.”