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Obama Wants More Gay Saunas in Africa

Bobby Devereux
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5
Obama Wants More Gay Saunas in Africa

 

“Like we can’t feed ourselves, large numbers of the population are suffering in poverty, drought, disease and HIV is decimating most of the continent of Africa. So we get a visit from the Obama guy telling us we have to be more gay, have more gay sex in saunas and think about butt plugs. Thank you Obama you sure have your priorities right, how about giving us some advice on how to irrigate barren land, increase crops or build better housing for our population,” a distraught Kenyan minister told the Kenya Times after Obama’s visit on Friday.

Hakuna Massaga

The president of the United States, Barack Hussein Obama lectured Kenyans throughout his trip on how to be more homosexual and how to incorporate gayness in education as well as build gay saunas every 50 yards across the country.

african-huts-obama-gay-sauna
President Obama walks through the Kenyan village of Nyang’oma Kogelo, as he inspects the first gay sauna installed to commemorate his visit.

State Department spokesman, Andre Shirtliftoff, explained the Obama message of gayness: “Africans need to be more gay and follow the American example where gayness is promoted and encouraged at every juncture including primary school education. Obama is now the gayest president of the United States ever to have been elected and he wants to spread his message of gayness to his homeland where he was born. So what if Kenyans can’t get food and medicine, their priorities should be in adopting the gay lifestyle that Americans love so much right now.”

Kenyan president, Uhuru Kenyatta, was presented with a copy of the Village People’s Greatest Hits by Obama at the end of his state visit as well as a DVD set of gay porn discs, some butt plugs and a gold plated cock ring from the personal White House collection.

Fear Index VIX Makes Moderate Jump Higher

Bobby Devereux
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0
Fear Index VIX Makes Moderate Jump Higher

 

“The VIX reached its zenith on October 1 2008 after the Lehman Brothers collapse causing a global meltdown of enormous proportions. The VIX at this time of writing is now only at the 16.00 level therefore we have a long way to go until the fear levels get to 2008 heights.

“If China goes, we all go. That’s the way the cookie crumbles or shall we say the Ponzi house of cards. Don’t forget that the U.S. has Federal unfunded debt liabilities exceeding $127 Trillion and an active deficit increasing daily of $20 Trillion. That means each American citizen owes $250,000 of America’s public debt.

“In essence, there is no mathematical formula available that can solve the problem of America’s debt, and it is, as a country, destined to implode at some point in the future. The question is when and not if. We should be just as worried about the repercussions on the global economy of a dollar collapse and economic implosion in America as we should be worried about any BRICS nation,” economist Brandt Heidelberger, for the Institute of Economic Affairs in Geneva, Switzerland told CNN.

Buckle up for a shit sandwich.

 

Temple Unveils Baphomet Statue in Washington D.C.

Bobby Devereux
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0
Temple Unveils Baphomet Statue in Washington D.C.

Due to planned demonstrations by Christians, the group, which is opposed to Bible-themed displays on government land, kept the location of the unveiling of its nine-foot-tall monument secret until the last moment.

The secretive government officials unveiled the one-ton statue at the National Museum of American History, Washington, D.C., just before 11.30pm local time as supporters cheered: “Hail Baphomet.” Some of the hundreds in attendance rushed to pose for photos.

The statue of Baphomet with a human body, some even saying it resembles U.S. president, George Washington, is a credit to the history of the United States and its doctrines from its inception as a nation.

Horatio Greenough, the celebrated sculptor was at the unveiling ceremony and was applauded for his great work with cheers of delight from the crowds.

illuminati-symbols-baphomet

On Saturday, the presentation of Baphomet in Washington D.C. drew protest from local Christians. About 50 people prayed for the city and denounced the monument.

“The last thing we need in the capitol is having a welcome home party for enlightenment,” said the Rev Dave Preacher, a pastor at Greater Presbyterian Balongical Limical Ganjolical Baptist Church of the Latter Day Saints of America in Semiramis Park, Washington.

Tony Blair: “Why Jeremy Corbyn is True Heart of Labour”

Bobby Devereux
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0
Tony Blair: “Why Jeremy Corbyn is True Heart of Labour”

In a spectacular u-turn, the former prime minister, Tony Blair wants to reassure Labour supporters that Jeremy Corbyn is actually the heart and soul of the party’s original message.

“First of all I would like to apologise for my trashing of Jeremy Corbyn the other day. I was only thinking of money. That’s actually all I think about these days, and to tell you the truth, supporting Corbyn would be about embracing the true spirit of the Labour party, something that I veered completely away from. Jeremy Corbyn is the core of the socialist ideology, he is what the Labour party was created for, and I apologise to him and his supporters unequivocally for any words that may have unintentionally hurt his feelings,” Mr Blair wrote in the Sunday Mirror.

Tony Blair, who started the Iraq war which caused one of the worst humanitarian disasters in human history, is not respected within the Labour party any more, especially after his fortunes have rocketed post premiership with dodgy dealings, expensive speeches and consorting with war criminals and despots for cash.

86bn Euros: Greeks Going to Take Money and Run

Bobby Devereux
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0
86bn Euros: Greeks Going to Take Money and Run

 

“We made a good trick. We’re going to take the money, then declare bankruptcy after the money is used up. The final fuck you,” a Greek Finance Ministry worker revealed on Friday.

What’s 350 Billion euros + 86 Billion euros? Yep, 436 Billion euros. That’s a lot of money that will never get paid back, and the Greeks are laughing all the way to the bank.

“This will be the final finger to Germany. If they and the Troika are stupid enough to give us another 86 Billion euros, then they deserve to get hit big time. They deserve this punishment, throwing money away like that into a Greek black hole, they might as well shred the money right now. Hah! Who in their right mind would lend any more money to some place like Greece? Even the Russians would not,” Costas Manana, a government worker told Greek newspapers.

How long will 86bn euros last in Greek hands?

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Christians Wrong About the Devil Says Pope

Bobby Devereux
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1

“Okay, the devil, or Satan, whatever you wish to call him has got a place down there where the bad people go after they croak. But check this out, if the devil is like really bad and some Joe goes down there who was bad in life, why’s he going to punish him? Hell, the devil’s just gonna say ‘well done you’re one of us now’ he’ll tell ’em to take a seat relax and have some more fun. Contrary to belief, the devil does not like to punish the bad ones, he has no reason to, and hell ain’t such a bad place to be,” Francis told a shocked audience on Tuesday.

Without hell, there would not be a heaven, and vice versa, so what’s up in heaven for Christians?

“Heaven is boring. You’ll meet some old relatives up there, and everything is white. That’s it. You can’t get more boring than that plus there’s this awful elevator music on constant loop,” the pope added with a mischievous grin.

Other Religious Questions Answered 

1) If the pope believes there is an afterlife and is fearless of death why does he go around with heavily armed guards and bulletproof vehicles?

Because the truth is that the pope is seriously afraid of death and he knows when you die, once your brain stops working, that’s it. Nothingness.

2) Why did the Christian church create a devil?

So that it could scare the shit out of simple people into doing what they wanted them to do in the old days when many could not reason, read or write. Also, to create a duality, a bogey man. Without the devil, God would not have an adversary and look so good. One cannot exist without the other.

3) How come the snake could speak in perfect English in the Garden of Eden?

He was a talking snake dummy. Get with the program. Everything thousands of years ago spoke in perfect Medieval era English and Latin.

4) If God is around all the time and all seeing, why did he not warn Adam and Eve about the talking snake, and maybe intervene?

Sheesh. Even God takes a break some times. He must have been cutting his toe nails or something.

5) If God created everything in the universe, does this mean he created the devil too?

Yep, the devil is part of God’s creation, because he created everything in the universe. Therefore, the devil is part of God.

Experts: Why Climate Change/Overpopulation Cannot Be Solved With China and India Growth

Bobby Devereux
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2
Experts: Why Climate Change/Overpopulation Cannot Be Solved With China and India Growth

As long as China and India continue to expand their population there is little or no chance of any form of respite for the earth’s climate, irrespective of any measures that may be implemented by responsible Western developed nations.

China currently has a population of 1,268,853,362 whilst India has 1,004,124,224 growing daily. These two nations are pumping out vast amounts of noxious, poisonous gases into the atmosphere, and contributing to pollution that defies measurement causing irreparable damage to the ozone and environment.

The term climate change is synonomous with over-population, they are one and the same. Overpopulation contributes to increases in carbon gases, pollution and destruction of the environment and finite resources.

Malthusian Nightmare

How do we tackle the problem of overpopulation?

The respective governments involved must increase the methods and technique of population control by speeding up sterilisation, abortion, euthanasia, contraception. Compulsory sterilisation is also an option if populations are not decreased sufficiently, and there are programs in India already enforcing this technique.

Every person in China and India wants a top-of-the-range SUV to drive. They want what they see in wealthy nations. They want to live the Western idealistic lifestyle.

The proliferation of war is another technique to reduce populations as well as instances of disease and viruses, whether man-made or natural. These techniques, however are intermittent and not consistent methods of population reduction.

Until the population of these polluting countries are decreased by large numbers, the planet and its resources are in danger, as is the rest of the responsible population of other nations.

For the planet to survive, these offending nations must implement an immediate ban on breeding, as strong as this may sound, if this is not implemented immediately, the rest of the earth’s environment has little or no chance of survival as pollution spreads through the atmosphere.

Chinese and Indian pollution encompasses the entire globe and is a direct threat to the environment and all life on planet earth.

Greeks Ready For Austerity Until 2057

Bobby Devereux
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0
Greeks Ready For Austerity Until 2057

The Greek people are ready to endure austerity until the year 2057, Alexis Tsipras has told Greek newspapers condemning the people to years of hardship and toil with no hope of exit from misery.

“I have signed away the future of your grandchildren, and their grandchildren. I am proud to have signed the deal that will secure Greece’s enslavement for many years to come,” Tsipras proudly stated on Sunday.

The Greeks have been largely sanguine about the whole sorry affair and accept their fate with a shrug of the shoulders.

“As long as we don’t have to work, this deal is okay with me. I get my EU subsidies and welfare so there is no problem,” a Greek farmer revealed to the Kathimerini newspaper.

Man Who Performs Uncontrollable Hitler Salutes Banned From City Centre

Bobby Devereux
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0
Man Who Performs Uncontrollable Hitler Salutes Banned From City Centre

He has uncontrollable urges to perform Hitler salutes approximately every thirty seconds, and has been banned from many places because of his terrible affliction.

The unemployed, and certainly unemployable man, has been diagnosed with Hitleritis, a rare medical condition that raises the right arm straight and salutes intermittently.

“I might be having a cup of tea with the vicar, reach for a scone, and there it goes. My arm salutes in a Nazi fashion and I yell out ‘Heil Hitler’.”

The worst incident occurred in January, when Barry was doing some shopping in Llandudno city centre. He was in Argos when a group of German exchange students walked in.

The chaos that ensued resulted in Barry being forcibly ejected from the store and arrested for his Hitler salutes that accelerated in ferocity when he heard the exchange students talking amongst themselves.

“I heard them talking and it got worse. I started goose stepping and saluting at the same time whilst shouting Heil Hitler. Worst day of my life. They [the police] gave me an ASBO and I can’t go to the shops or anywhere for that matter any more. I am so depressed.”

There is help at hand though for Barry. A pioneering new treatment has been made available where the offending Hitler saluting arm is strapped to the body to stop it jerking up involuntarily.

Although this helped Barry for all of five minutes, his body started to compensate by performing other Nazi traits like goose stepping, shouting Nazi slogans and ordering anyone in the vicinity into the showers.

If anyone has any ideas on how to cure Barry, please leave a comment below.

Buckingham Palace Nazi Leak Suspect Taken to Tower of London

Bobby Devereux
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3
Buckingham Palace Nazi Leak Suspect Taken to Tower of London

The royal arrest decree by beheading was last used in the year 1747, on Scottish Jacobite, Simon Fraser, 11th Lord Lovat, and will be used on Rupert Murdoch for his part in exposing the Queen and royal family as playful Nazis through his newspaper, the Sun.

Buckingham palace sources have long awaited the day to see Murdoch’s spindly Australian convict spawn’s tortoise neck on the chopping block, and will be eager to entertain the crowds.

“The Sun newspaper has seen fit to print photos and films showing the youthful Queen and other members of the royal family doing some jokey Nazi salutes 70 years ago. Prince Philip, prince Harry and the rest of the Saxe-Coburg-Gotha clan, ahem Windsors, are outraged at such depictions, especially when some members of the royal family supported Britain so ferociously during World War II,” the BBC’s staunchly impartial royal correspondent, Richard Hangemhye, said during his weekly broadcast.

What Will Happen

Rupert Murdoch will be arrested tomorrow where he will be taken to the Tower. The Sun media mogul will then be executed by beheading.

On the day, the executioner will lead the prisoner to a raised platform covered with crumpled copies of the Sun newspaper on Tower Green where the assembled audience will be waiting.

Murdoch will be allowed a few last words, and a rabbi will give the prisoner the last rights before execution.

The executioner could take several blows before the head is finally severed. If the executioner’s axe is sharp and his aim is true, beheading is quick and relatively painless. If the instrument is blunt, the axeman inexperienced or careless, then the execution might take several strokes to sever the head. This was certainly the case in the execution by beheading of the brave Countess of Salisbury who was struck eleven times with the axe before she died in 1541.

After Murdoch is executed, his severed head will be held up by the hair. This is done, not as many people think to show the crowd the head, but in fact to show the head the faces of crowd and its own body. Killing by beheading is not immediate. Consciousness remains for at least eight seconds after beheading until lack of oxygen causes unconsciousness and eventually death.

The Murdoch execution extravaganza will be televised on July 24 exclusively on the BBC.

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