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China: Commies Are Useless at Economics

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It’s impossible to have a functioning free capitalist economy in China because they’re a bunch of control freak Commies, a new report sanctioned by the Chinese government is set to reveal.

“We are going to heavily censor this report and every sentence and word will be analysed and vetted by a team of party officials, who will then pass this report on to a committee of higher party officials, and if any word is found denigrating the great People’s Republic of China, we will commission further reports and select committees to analyse the efficacy of the report itself and whether it should be shredded, and all officials executed by firing squad, but that’s still four or six stages above that initial process,” Li Xing Ziang Chi Ming, a high ranking official told the Zhingchang news service.

The Daily Squib Reveals Its Fool Proof Global Economic System

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Let us first forget Keynes, Marx, Mao, Reaganomics, Gordon Brown, and anyone around today. None of it worked. They all never figured out an economic system that actually benefits the entire population.

It’s a good thing therefore that the Daily Squib has come up with a very efficient solution to the global economic mess we’re in at the moment, however until the day arises, that the world’s community embraces true sustainable wealth for all, there will be no respite to the perpetual misery of overpopulation.

Let us get started..

First of all, for our new economic system we will need a universal currency. Let us call this currency Squibs, you know, because we’re a bunch of egotistical maniacs, but you could call it anything.

Secondly, there would only be a need for one global bank, let us call this the Squib bank for the sake of inane names.

Thirdly, every citizen of the globe, irrespective of their status, would receive 30,000 squibs per month (a princely sum) in their bank account. What global citizens choose to do with that money is their business, and there would not be any restrictions to expenditure.

Fourth, because the global bank creates money, there would not be any need for taxation, all business would grow exponentially, all essential services would be funded by the bank and its unlimited supply of money, and the citizen would benefit within the technologically advanced sustainable civilized economy without having to be a tax slave, as the previous human economic models forced.

Fifth, and here’s the clincher, the only way  this economic marvel could materialise is if the earth’s human population was at a sustainable restricted level. There is no point in putting an exact number to the figure, however it would mean a reduction of more than 90% of the standing earth’s population today. The earth’s environment with limited finite resources can only sustain a minimal amount of modern humans before it deteriorates permanently, therefore, this plan of action is the only way forward if earth is to survive.

Impossible you say, how do you reduce the earth’s population by that drastic amount?

That’s something we will all find out soon enough, as the upper echelons above politicians or visible billionaires have already planned. They will probably do the job with a virus that cannot have a valid vaccine, and it will be released in waves.

Mass Migration: Germans Got What They Voted For

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How do you thank the hard working German people?

By flooding their streets, their towns with millions of angry young Arab and North African male economic migrant thugs.

Germans voted for Merkel, and this is what they got.

Beautiful Aryan Fräulein, the epitome of good breeding, soiled and defiled by the uncouth savagery of the lecherous peasants and field workers, economic migrants streaming across the border, the rapes and molestations not reported by the media on orders from Merkel herself.

Welcome said Merkel, and they came by the million.

The gravity of this migratory mistake is a gift that keeps giving to the far right, and it is to this end, that as Merkel and her mistake-ridden party will eventually exit, someone will replace her who is not as forgiving or naive.

In the wings they await their chance, for the Reich has been invigorated by the Soviet trained former East-German Merkel, she must remember this throughout her remaining days, of how she stoked the fires of the far right in Europe once again by sacrificing her own people to the muddy waters of mass migration.

What will follow will be an eventual purge of undesirables, as history is a witness, the core of the German people never changes.

Why ISIS Taking Libya Means Danger For EU

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ISIS are now less than 100 km from Tripoli, as they have detonated a huge bomb at a police training facility.

In December, the terror group took over the ancient Roman city of Sabratha which was a protected Unesco site.

The march towards Tripoli has thus yielded much land and oil to the conquering military Jihadist group.

With little or no resistance to ISIS, Tripoli could fall within the next few weeks.

What would this mean for Europe?

Not only is Tripoli oil rich but it is a stones throw from Italy. Once ISIS gains a foothold in the capital city it will be nigh on impossible to extricate them, even by air force.

The stranded civilians will not only flee towards Europe but this will enable many ISIS cells to infiltrate the EU once more. Already, because of Germany’s Angela Merkel, multiple Jihadi cells have most certainly infiltrated the Schengen zone. Once within the borders of the EU, there is no stopping these cells from causing even more terror attacks on civilian soft targets.

The Paris attacks in November were conducted by Jihadists who came over from Syria thanks to Merkel’s open door policy and zero vetting of insurgency into the continent.

If nothing is done soon, the EU could very well see more and more conflict as its Schengen zone is infiltrated thus leading to a rapid spread in internal warfare, needless bombings and terror.

Meanwhile in Syria, the ISIS Jihadists have been quietly hiding away from the occasional bombs and missiles in vast tunnel networks, and in Iraq, where the terror group has been inundated by Shia Iraqi troops supported by the U.S. air force , they have retreated with minimal losses.

The onus is on European leaders and military chiefs. Do they want open warfare in Europe and thousands of civilian casualties or do they want to cut off the Hydra’s head once and for all?

The choice is theirs. Instate a full EU military draft or take the hit.

 

Has Trump Embraced Islam in Secret?

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“I found a birth certificate for Trump, I thought he was born in Shaboinkin, New York in 1946 but this thing told a different story. Trump’s real name is Anwar al-Siddiqui and he was born in Khartoum, Sudan in 1945. It was only after his parents moved to New York in 1956 that he was given a new name — Donald Trump,” Guttierez Silvera, told the Washington Telegraph.

There have been other clues to Trump’s real allegiance, for example no one has ever seen Trump in a church.

Harold Wheatgrass, a long time neighbour of Trump says that even though his family goes to church every Sunday, Trump has never even set foot inside of one.

“I asked him and his family if they would like to attend church one Sunday. He went white as a sheet and his tuft rose up. Then I heard him uttering some Arabic under his breath,” Wheatgrass said.

You become what you hate the most

So, how does this revelation explain Trump’s recent call to ban all Muslims?

“That’s actually a call to prayer. He’s singling out Muslims because he wants them to wage Jihad on America once and for all. How do you do that? Not by being nice to them, it’s a call to arms and he knows it will make more terrorists than anything. Can’t you see folks, Trump is working for the Muslims because he is one himself. It’s right there in front of our eyes,” a Capitol Hill insider revealed.

Fox news even had Ann Coulter on the Hannity show in December saying that when she met Trump, he kept a mat around at all times.

“I asked him what the mat was for. He said he likes to lie on it sometimes and every few minutes Trump would disappear to a room and I would hear Arab words, you know those devil Islamic prayers they all do. I swear I heard it with my own ears, as my Adam’s Apple is real, I swear I heard right. Trump is a goddamn stinkin’ Muslim!”

Comrade Corbyn Purging Party of Dissenters

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Lickspittle spineless traitors to the cause have been purged from the ranks of the Red Labour party today by our supreme Comrade Corbyn. Speaking from his dacha in Grimsdale, Comrade Corbyn addressed the party through a televisual communique on BBC6.

 

Comrades! Citizens! Brothers and Sisters! Men of our beloved Red Labour party!

I am addressing you, my friends!

The perfidious political attack on our party, by traitorous dogs and pigs of the right has been thwarted.

In spite of heroic resistance of the Red Labour hierarchy, and although the enemy’s finest divisions and finest political units commandeered by the Dark Lord Mandy and the henchmen of Tony Blair have already been smashed and have met their doom on the field of battle, the enemy continues to push forward, hurling fresh forces into the attack.

A grave danger hangs over our country.
How could it have happened that our glorious Red Labour party surrendered a number of our policies to the Neo-Blairite traitors and hogs wallops that continue to befuddle our greatest efforts for victory?

Dear comrades, we will thrash these boastful Fascist propagandists off the face of the earth once and for all!

What is required to put an end to the danger hovering over our country, and what measures must be taken to smash the enemy?

Above all, it is essential that our people, the Soviet people, should understand the full immensity of the danger that threatens our country and abandon all complacency, all heedlessness, all those moods of peaceful, constructive work which were so natural before the election but which are fatal today but when we gain power in 2020 and spread our collectivist message to the capitalist pigs they will see the true face of war!

The enemy is cruel and implacable. He is out to seize our lands watered with our sweat, to seize our grain and soil secured by our labour.

He is out to restore the rule of landlords, to restore the bedroom tax, to destroy benefits culture and the national health service’s existence, to convert them into slaves of perfidious Saxe-Coburg Gotha German faux British princes and barons.

Thus the issue is one of life or death for the Soviet Labour party, for the peoples of the U.K: the issue is whether peoples of Britain shall remain free or fall into slavery.

The Soviet Labour party must realize this and abandon all heedlessness, they must mobilize themselves and reorganize all their work on new, wartime lines, when there can be no mercy to the enemy.

Further, there must be no room in our ranks for whimperers and cowards, for panic-mongers and deserters; our people must know no fear in the fight and must selflessly join our patriotic War of liberation, our war against the Fascist enslavers the Blairite, Mandelsonite and Tory scum..

We must wage a ruthless fight against all disorganizers of the rear, deserters, panic-mongers, rumor-mongers, exterminate spies, diversionists, enemy parachutists, rendering rapid aid in all this to our destroyer battalions. We must bear in mind that the enemy is crafty, unscrupulous, experienced in deception and dissemination of false rumors.

We must reckon with all this and not fall victim to provocation. All who by their panic-mongering and cowardice hinder the work of defence, no matter who they are, must be immediately haled before a party tribunal.

All our forces for the support of our heroic Red Labour party and our glorious Red Soviet nation of Britain!

All the forces of the people—for the demolition of the enemy!

Forward, to our victory!

Is this accurate?

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America’s Guns: Obama Cried People Died

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Some guy was recorded whilst waiting for a bagel at a coffee shop in downtown Lafayette.

“When Obama cried on the podium yesterday, I cried too, all those people shooting themselves and each other with guns, like it really hit home.

“What do Obama’s tears mean to you? Do you wanna put the guns down yet? You don’t need that Kalashnikov, the horror of the shootings daily in your hood, and the depopulation that is happening around us. Did you know that every minute in the United States, 43 gun murders take place.

“You could be anywhere, a school, a cinema, a restaurant or in the park, all it takes is someone with a gun shooting you when you least expect it.

“It’s all so horrific. What are you gonna do? So please Americans, we need to do this now, the Second Amendment just needs to be adjusted slightly, and don’t you dare even read Infowars as they’re just stoking the fires of gun violence. Is Alex ‘Provocateur’ Jones part of the system? Damn sure he is, he pays taxes, and his operation is a classic data-mining magnet for unnamed agencies. What better way to find all the kooks by acting like one yourself, Jones is an okay actor, but he’s a well paid actor and he uses specific triggers during his rants to up the ante, make you buy his snake oil and comment on his site. If Jones was really revolutionary, they would have shut him down years ago, the proof is in his rise to power and mega bucks.

“The powers that be know what you are thinking, the cat’s already out of the bag, sure they got caught snooping after Snowden gave it away, but most people already knew anyway.

“Uncle Obama really feels for you, didn’t you see the tears streaming down his face, he was crying like a lil baby? Maybe there was a sick bag backstage but you didn’t see that folks. But seriously, we need to limit guns in America, it’s really getting ridiculous now. All these mass shootings day in day out, doesn’t it get to you? What if it was your kid, or your dad, or your mom?

“Guns are tools for killing, when a person pulls the trigger deadly bullets fly out at high speed. When a bullet hits its target it makes a mess of things. Could be a leg, a liver or a butt, dang don’t wanna get hit in your groin or knee cap, that shit is painful.

“See when you watch an action movie, those guys are shooting blanks, it’s not real, in reality when someone gets shot whether they live or die, whatever, you just shot someone, that’s not right.

“Sure you’re going to say self defence, you need guns for protection, but if no one had guns but the people in charge, you wouldn’t need a gun. Best policy in a fight is calmness, just walk away it ain’t worth it or call the police. The cops have guns to Protect and Serve, like that’s what it says on the badge, and all you have to do is dial 911 and they’ll come and protect you from whatever is going on.

“Next you’re going to say guns are a protection of the citizen to tyranny from the state. Well, this can be fixed in one moment, if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. Become a Senator or legislator or something to do with a government office, because any person will tell ya, it’s nigh on impossible to beat the system now. Even if every American had a gun and started shooting right now, the state, the army, the whatever would put a stop to that in less than a week. They have the logistics, the equipment, the bullets, the frickin’ air force, and make the laws. What have you got? It’s all too big to beat, especially when an A10 Warthog opens up a can o’ whoop ass on you with its Gatling gun. The NSA already knows who to get first, they’d put a stop to any movement within a few days.

“Some militia boys in Oregon are making a stand right now, and there are militia all across the U.S. but they don’t have a chance in hell for two reasons, the first being, they have limited numbers and the second, they are surrounded from all sides including the air. What are they going to do? Absolutely nothing, because the majority of Americans want peace and the Bundy family, of which there are many strands, hold a long standing heritage in the U.S. but the yokel strand we are seeing in Oregon are only one element, as the Bundy name reaches high up into the top echelons of government.

“I’m going to tell y’all this once, don’t shoot, put down your gun son, because if you don’t, somebody gonna get hurt some.”

What will happen if Americans have guns taken from them?

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Vaginal Speakers Causing Mayhem on Public Transport

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London Underground on a busy Monday rush hour morning, a troupe of pregnant women are in a carriage.

One lady has the sweet tones of Mozart emanating from her belly, another lady seems to be tapping her foot to Motorhead’s Ace of Spades, and a heavily pregnant woman with what seems to be quintuplets raring to go has the Sound of Music theme tune bellowing at 40 watts out of her gasping uterus.

When Nirvarna’s In Utero comes on, the woman’s baby goes berserk and starts kicking the living shit out of the woman’s womb, startled, she changes the track to something more agreeable, ah a bit of Vangelis calms the little blighter down.

The heavy bass of Up On the Hill by Fun Lovin’ Criminals makes one lady squeal with joy as her eyes roll up and her cheeks go purple, she quickly fumbles for the off button, instead turning the volume up. Huey would have approved.

Naturally, add in the sound of the cluttering train, and the music mix and you as a commuter get to work with an almighty headache.

What’s your excuse for being late for work today Johnny?

“Well, I was accosted by a bunch of pregnant women blaring out music to their babies through their vaginal speakers sir. After that I think I need to lie down,” you say before being summarily fired on the spot.

So, next time you see a pregnant woman and you hear music and she’s not wearing headphones or carrying a speaker, you know what she’s got crammed up her slosh tunnel.

Moral of the story? — fuck it!

EU Referendum: Boris Could Turn to the Dark Side

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What price freedom? Or selling out your country?

Procuring a cushy Cabinet post might do it, a chauffeur, extra security and more pussy than an oversubscribed cattery.

Boris Johnson may be a maverick but the dark side is now tempting him, as his Bully chum from Oxy waves an EU carrot in front of him.

We’re only a few days into 2016 and already the pace has quickened markedly.

The predictions are clear, Boris will embrace the dark side, as the bee embraces the nectar, the Brussels Death Star will reward him greatly and may even clear his path to eventual Prime Sith-tership.

Will Boris join the dark side?

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Farage: Second Time Lucky

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Nigel Farage fears he has been the victim of an assassination attempt after his car was sabotaged, causing a terrifying motorway crash.

The Ukip leader careered off a French road after a wheel on his Volvo came loose while he was driving from Brussels back to his home in Kent.

When the police arrived at the scene, they told him that the nuts on all of the wheels had been deliberately unscrewed.

The outspoken leader of the anti-EU Ukip party was shaken but not stirred, as he has been in a crash before and survived.

“I don’t know who is doing all this, but I will resolutely fight Britain’s corner during the referendum for independence from the EU with whatever it takes,” Farage was quoted as saying whilst waving his fist in the air defiantly.