Carol Vorderman Wants Greece to Consolidate Loans

NORWICH - England - Now that Greece's bonds are valued at junk status, daytime TV loan seller Carol Vorderman has spectacularly stepped in to save the failing Greek economy.

“Just like how I sell high interest loans secured on peoples homes on daytime TV slots, the company who are paying me huge amounts of money to rip people off are now urging me to offer the Greeks the same deal. All they have to do is sign away their assets to us and we will then increase the interest rate of their loan by huge increments. We’ve been doing it for years,” Ms Vorderman told Greek state television.

One low monthly repayment”

The offer by Vorderman on behalf of First Plus was snapped up by the Greeks as soon as it was advertised.
Greek Minister of Finance, Panos Mounopano replied to the British TV star’s offer: “I know Carol Vorderman has no f*cking soul and is a money grabbing greedy leech profiting off vulnerable people’s misery and desperation, but we just have to accept her offer because we are bloody desperate, innit. I am personally going to fly to Norwich to sign the papers for the loan at 19254% APR tomorrow.”