Smiling Banker Says Economy Fu**ed

LONDON, England - The economy is officially 'fu**ed' says Mervyn King the head of the Bank of England today at a business luncheon.

As Mervyn Allister King tucks into his caviar at his Pall Mall residence he is truly happy to foist another interest rate rise on the destroyed mass of poverty stricken British people who have suffered so much in abject servitude and quiet for so long.

It now costs every Briton a minimum of £60 to fill the tank of their car, a loaf of bread now costs £1.60, to go one stop on a bus costs £2.50, to drive through central London costs £8.00, to buy three tomatoes now costs 95 pence.

If you are an American and reading this, remember to double the prices.

The costs have escalated to such an extent that to stay above the poverty level in the UK one has to be earning over £70,000 even though this sum is heavily taxed by the Government.

The increasing rises in interest rates means that only a minority of people can now own a home but if you do already you are in even more peril. Soaring mortgage payments mean that 80% of all homeowners pay 95% of their salary just in interest payments per month leaving them with a pittance to live on.

“I used to be able to buy a loaf of bread every week but now I can only afford to have bread and butter once a month. The rest of the month I live on brussels sprouts grown in my garden.” Reginald Hubbard who earns in excess of £50,000 per annum tells me from his dingy one bedroom flat in Peckham South London.

The Labour Government under the watchful eye of the uncontested Gordon Brown has made life so miserable for Britons that there are regular punch ups in the streets and shops due to the high stress levels and costs of living in this country.

Meanwhile, worldwide commodity prices drop every day – Oil, Wheat and Gas have all dropped in price in the last few months yet UK household goods have rocketed in price by 8% in the last month alone despite the drop in real value.

Taxation is also increasing daily, council tax is now so high that the Evans family from North London had to abandon one of their children in a supermarket because the 12 year old would have cost them an increase in tax by the age of 13.

There is no respite for anyone who lives in Britain and many are fleeing the rip off centre of the world. A miserable place, where your only hope is to drink yourself to death before you die of pneumonia in your freezing damp grey mortgage hell.