LONDON – England – It’s official, new revised figures confirm the good news that the UK did not actually go into a ‘double dip’ recession during the Great Depression we are currently in.
“We revised the figures again to show that we actually never had a ‘double dip’ although Britain’s economy is in a Great Depression with millions of people out of work and a drastic fall in household disposable income, as well as savings. In other words, if you’ve got any money in the bank it’s practically worthless,” an ONS statistician revealed today.
The UK’s trade deficit increased by £4.7 billion and one only has to look at the High Street to see how Britain is really doing.
Boarded up shops, dole queues at the local off licence and betting shops tell a different story to the chipper news from the Office of National Statistics.
“It’s great, I’ve got a Masters in Geophysics and I’ve been employed as a road sweeper for the past year since graduation. Life can’t be better,” a recent graduate told the Daily Telegraph.