MPs Could Be Hanged For Expenses Fraud

Former MPs Jacqui Smith and Geoff Hoon outside parliament yesterday

LONDON – England – Soon there could be a joyful sight over the neo-Gothic edifice of the Houses of Parliament with the swinging lifeless bodies of MPs swaying in the breeze.

Capital punishment has been voted back into law by Parliament after an e-petitions scheme attracted more than 800,000 signatures clamouring for the death penalty to be re-introduced.

MPs were forced to debate the issue last week, and it was duly agreed that capital punishment should be part of British law once again.

“Shame we’re not going to bring back quartering as well, I can think of a few people who would deserve that,” Conservative MP, James Dawlish, told the BBC.

Under the new rules, even MPs could fall foul of the capital punishment laws and be prosecuted for expense fiddling.

“Expense fiddling by MPs is a criminal act and should be punished by death. They are stealing taxpayers money, which is no better than robbing a High Street bank. Under the new laws, MPs would be hanged in Parliament Square, then their hanged bodies would be left swinging on the traffic island to rot and be eaten by the ravens as a lesson to the other MPs who think that stealing is a good idea. I think they might learn a lesson or two after that,” Cyrus Baldinger, a political commentator from the Daily Mail reported in his column.

There are fears, however, that the whole of Westminster could resemble a mass gallows because of the sheer number of MPs being hanged, causing traffic chaos with tourists and grim onlookers gathering at all times of the day and night. Health and Safety officers have also said that the smell of rotting MPs swinging on the ropes would be awful, attracting flies and maggots that could be a health hazard to the public.

The last hangings in Britain occurred on 13 August 1964, Peter Anthony Allen at Liverpool and Gwynne Owen Evans at Manchester Prisons.