British Royal Family to Take Up Carpentry Instead of Army

Forget about carpet bombing, how about a nice half-blind dovetail?

WINDSOR – England – The British Royal family, who in the past were keen to be viewed as patrons of Britain’s military forces, are now taking up carpentry instead.

“It was a hard decision to take but we were just fed up of pretending to be in the army. None of us ever saw any real combat and we were just going through the motions. We were seduced by the wonderful smell of wood shavings hitting the floor as one planed away, it took one’s breath away and captured one’s imagination. Much better than masquerading in full battle gear thousands of miles behind the front line,” Prince Charles, one of the most heavily decorated members of the Royal family, told the Sun newspaper.

Woodworking has been a much more fulfilling role for the Royal family members, with even the wayward Prince Harry getting involved, when he recently got his carpentry teacher to make a three legged stool for him so that he can sit at his local bar for longer. Fergie also got stuck in by fashioning a wooden trolley out of mahogany to push her collection of mink fur coats around.

Prince Andrew used his carpentry skills to build a barrier over his front door to keep Fergie and her debt-ridden leeching ways out of his Royal digs but was alas thwarted at the last moment when she jumped through an upstairs window instead. He is now building a large catapult contraption to possibly propel his wayward ex to some far flung place and finally be rid of her.

“Every member of the Royal family has now taken up carpentry instead of military affairs. The people knew the Royals doing the military stuff was all a big ruse, plus with all the funding cuts from the MoD, there’s more money in carpentry,” a palace spokesman revealed.

Prince Charles recently built a garden shed at the Balmoral Estate where he can get away from the horse for a few hours and talk to his dandelions in peace. Even Prince William, the future king, is now a dab hand at carpentry He has fashioned a walking stick out of a piece of wood, which will be used to beat off Waity Katie’s peasant relatives once he finally agrees to get married to her.

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