“We anticipate with this new test, that only a fraction of people who are claiming incapacity benefit will be eligible for the payments saving the government billions every year,” Henry Davenport, Welfare officer for Haringey council has revealed.
The new Incapacity Benefits test will involve a trip to the SAS training ground in Hereford, where the participants will be required to be inducted into a gruelling three day endurance course culminating in an assault course that is purported to be one of the hardest in the world.
“We’ve had battle-hardened men weep like little babies after just a few metres of this course. That’s why we don’t expect many of the Incapacity Benefit scroungers and work-shy to survive more that a minute. Last week, we had some U.S. Marines down here. Never seen so many pussies in one place. Those yanks just couldn’t cut our SAS course. They were squealing like little girls,” Major Hartnell, second in command at the Hereford training grounds told the Times.
Welfare Secretary, Iain Duncan Smith, said: “Naturally, those who are actually disabled will not lose their benefits, but the others who have been deceiving the system for too long will.”
The Labour opposition however, responded to the new directives with outrage: “These poor people, they were our core voters. They’ve been living the life of Riley and now they’ve got to work. Well, we protected the work-shy Labour core voters for as long as we could.”