Spaniards to Build Hotels Without Balconies For Brits on Holiday

Jumping from balconies and braining yourself on the concrete below has been a very popular pastime with Brit tourists in Spain this year.

MAGALUF – Spain – The British balcony jumping season is sadly nearly over this year but many Brits on their summer hols may be shocked next year because the Spaniards are now building hotels without balconies.

“This is a terrible disappointment. How the hell are we meant to have fun on holiday if we can’t jump from balconies or hang off them whilst being completely pissed out of our heads on cheap booze?” Lee Anderton, 21, from Blackburn told the Sun newspaper.

In Britain, many holidaymakers were angry about the new Spanish directive to ban balconies in all hotels.

“We’ve already booked our holiday in Benidorm and now we’re going to fookin’ lose out, innit. I paid £70 for a three week holiday and I want my bloody money back. What’s the point without fookin’ balconies. It’s tekkin’ all the fun out of it. Cheap booze and balcony jumping, I paid my money, innit? I’ll have to go to Portugal or summat,” Billy Cragger, 27, from Leeds told the Mirror.

This year has been a bumper year for the Brits on holiday with over 89 fatalities from balcony jumping, and 234 Brits paralysed from the neck down.

Carlos Endemol, Minister of Tourism in Andalucia said: “We are trying to cater to the British people who are so drunk all the time that they fall of balconies and jump off them, but the clean up operations are getting too costly for us. Frankly we are fed up of scraping British brains off concrete. This is why the new laws I am implementing within our province will require all hotel chains to remove their balconies and new construction to also adhere to these updated planning rules.”