LONDON – England – Former Prime Minister, Tony Blair is urging the nation to vote for Ed Miliband and Labour in the coming election.
“There are more of you than us, but you are stupid, poor and ignorant. This is why you are not to be trusted and why you have to vote Labour to deny a vote in an EU referendum. This year I made £75 million tax free dealing with despots, dictators and killers, and I enjoy my ill gotten gains while you, the public are nothing but poor people with no say, no understanding of anything and deserve every injustice meted upon yourselves.
“Vote Labour so we can punish you further, you are so stupid you will think we are helping you. We will have big smiles on our fucking faces as we embrace you, the stupid ignorant flock who we have nothing but disdain and hatred for.
“The Labour hierarchy model themselves on me, a man who fleeced the taxpayer for every single penny, and when you vote for Labour again, we will this time finish the job, you slime ridden plebs. Just watch the deficit quadruple.
“Ed needs a new mansion with five kitchens this time, and you voters need to vote for that. Eh, did you know that I’m part Scottish, and my arch nemesis Broon was full Scots. Well, you dumb English voters, you’re going to vote Labour so we can break up the United Kingdom once and for all, and not only that, the Scots will have full powers to dictate English laws, bring in a deep fried mars bar law requiring the English scunners to pay the Scots to eat them all fucking day.
“You know during my time as PM I presided over a period of great conquest. Over 5 million Iraqis and Afghans died under my watch, but it was not enough, we never finished the job so that’s why I became a Middle East peace envoy. I just couldn’t get enough, every day I would look through the daily death figures and they had to install a drool bucket in my office.
“This is why you have to vote Labour, because you are either an uneducated, ignorant unemployable swine, or a champagne socialist pig in the trough, or just a mass murdering killer like me.
“You will go to the polls in May, and you will tick the Labour box, because we have hypnotised you through the media to do so. You have no mind of your own, you cannot be trusted to make a decision, so you will vote Labour and we will thoroughly enjoy rogering you hard for the next ten years thereafter.
“Enjoy the hell you have created through your own voting. The voters deserve everything they get, and we will this time take Britain into the Euro Zone and abolish the Pound Sterling. The Royal family will be further marginalised, especially when the UK is broken up, eventually leading to their abolishment.
“Labour does not want private business, or private ownership of property, we only see a collectivist strategy where all private property is absorbed into public ownership. This way, only the elite party members have the goodies and the rest of the proletariat are poverty ridden slaves.
“Vote Labour and you will get this and more you dumbed down ignorant twats.”