Great Britain to be Renamed Tesco Island

Tesco Stonehenge is a great way to shop and catch a piece of history at the same time

Tescondon – Isle of Tesco – The former country of Britain and numerous cities, towns and counties have all been renamed to reflect the diversity of the United Kingdom of Tesco.

Every ‘Tesco Island’ town and city centre now has over 500 Tesco stores all competing for the same business.

Tesco supersores are also a large part of Tesco Isle’s countryside, with large swathes of greenery now taken over by vast car parks and immense warehouses dominating the landscape.

Tesco Island now has a flourishing economy where 98% of all goods in the former United Kingdom purchased by the public are Tesco items.

Tesco Superstores sell only the finest fresh quality foods and now even have a store in famous landmarks like St Tesco’s Cathedral, Big BenTesco, the Tower of Tescondon and Stonehenge Tesco Superstore.

The Queen made the ‘Tesco Island’ name change announcement from the world famous Buckingham Tesco Palace store today, and congratulated the Tesco Chief Executive, Sir Tesco Tesco from the state frozen food section.

Sir Tesco was then presented with one of Tesco’s own award winning Tesco Value cheddar cheese blocks as a thank you from the nation.

Tesco Value cheddar is cheap compared to other cheeses — you get a 1.004kg block for £3.50. It rarely crumbles because of the processed ingredients and is great when grated over baked potatoes. Buy Tesco Value cheddar now and you and your family will not be disappointed.

Every Little Tesco Helps

The Houses of Tesco in Tescominster held a ‘two for the price of one’ promotion on Tesco’s own Value weak ale from the Northern Tesco Isles. Prime Minister Tes Tesc Tesco was seen clutching a bottle of ‘Tesco Courage’, a particularly weak ale brewed in Tescohampton.

If you take a trip down to Tesco-on-Sea this summer for your hols you will not be short of choice with Tesco stores to shop in. Tesco even has twenty five stores and kiosks on the pier and are even planning a Tesco cruise ship so you can cruise the Tesco channel and enjoy Tesco products at your leisure.

United Kingdom of Tesco

The former British Isles are now populated by over 30 million Tesco stores and there is now talk of further expansion into Europe, North America and Space.

Alpha Centauri Tesco

Sir Tesco Tesco announced the launch of the first Tesco satellite system last week at his sprawling 3000 acre mansion in the county of Tescoshire.

The Tesco satellite will monitor the world and galaxy for potential Tesco store placements and beam down coordinates of shoppers who try to shop in rival supermarket chains.

A Tesco spacestation store is planned for earth orbit in 2019 and will be the flagship store for space travellers on their way to the Tesco superstore on Mars.