A new look for the bank from up north
NEWCASTLE – England – Adam Applegarth, the Chief Executive of the Northern Rock Bank, has agreed to proposals for changing the company name to Northern Pebble.
Speaking from his plush offices in Newcastle Upon Tyne, we asked the Chief Executive of Northern Rock about the name change and what it means for the company.
“Northern Pebble is a more appropriate name for the company now. Our shaky business has been somewhat worn down by many factors like not having any money.”
We asked him a question about banking. Is it an integral part of banking to have money?
His answer, “Yes and no. We acquire money from other institutions at low rates, and then sell these ‘iou’s’ onto our customers at higher rates. The financial institutions stopped lending us money on the 8th of August because of the Sub-Prime market debacle in the US.”
The US sub-prime mortgage crisis was caused by corporate greed, ignorance, envy, and stupidity.
The Bank of England has agreed to print more paper money to offset the massive blackhole that has been left by this immense disaster. The money printing operation will be a 24 hour operation and go on for as long as it takes whilst other dodgy institutions like Barclays are also artificially propped up.
During the interview we were interrupted by a knock on the door. The bailiffs had come around to take the furniture and laptop computer that Mr Applegarth was typing on.
“Our customers have nothing to worry about. Northern Pebble is a solid business model and the BoE has stepped in to help us. They are printing more bank notes as we speak.” Mr Applegarth was then carried away in his chair by three burly men.
Well, there you have it. All it takes is the Bank of England to print more money and we’re all ok. Isn’t that wonderful?