ISIS Display Their Newest Acquisition

MOSUL - Iraq - There has been a crisis in the ISIS camp as traditional beheadings are taking too long and causing a backlog.

“We’re doubling our output after we bought one of these babies,” some black clad geezer with a Sarf London accent said in a new twitter video.

According to ISIS tweets, one of the boys was a bit miffed with the standard procedure using an old rusty butter knife mainly because it takes too long and is so messy.

“It was gettin’ a bit taxin’ innit. Me and my bruvs we was lookin’ at a ‘istory book and we saw da Frenchies used to use a thing called a guillotine. I said to me mates, ‘ere slap me on me loaf of bread this is far more efficient innit?” one guy said, sounding suspiciously like Ali G.