17.7 C
London
Wednesday, February 12, 2025
secret satire society
HomeWorld5 Different Ways Julian Assange Can Leave Ecuadorian Embassy

5 Different Ways Julian Assange Can Leave Ecuadorian Embassy

LONDON - England - Poor Julian Assange, the Wikileaks fugitive has been holed up in the Ecuadorian embassy for two whole years on trumped up charges concocted by angry people in government.

ai

 

 

Here are five novel ways Julian Assange can exit the Ecuador embassy in London, which is heavily guarded by British policemen.

1) At midnight Julian goes to the roof of the embassy where he enters a rocket. This high powered jet rocket propels him over the stratosphere and is an exact replica of an Intercontinental ballistic missile except for minor modifications and a human compartment. Once over the Ecuadorian jungle a parachute is deployed bringing Assange back to earth with a soft landing. A homing beacon will alert a rescue team which will arrive quickly before Assange is eaten by wild jungle animals.

2) In the last two years of incarceration Julian Assange may have been tunnelling under the embassy. If the Palestinians can do it in Gaza why not Assange? He has cutlery, maybe a spoon, and he could have been disposing of the soil by some ingenious plan like putting it in his pudding after meals or dropping it out the window onto a policeman’s head.

3) On the hour of his exit from the embassy, 10,000 exact replicas of Julian Assange turn up in the street. What are the cops going to do, arrest every single one of them?

4) Julian Assange gets a sex change on the NHS and becomes Julia Assange, therefore he/she is not liable for any trumped up charges as she is a different person to Julian Assange. This one could be painful for the poor fellow, especially if the meat and two veg have to go.

5) Julian Assange invents a teleport machine where his particles are transported to a remote location far away from the Ecuador embassy in London.

  Help Support Independent Publishers

  PLEASE SUPPORT THE DAILY SQUIB We fight for freedom, justice and coffee.
ds-indy-free-banner
- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

ds-pope-banner

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!