Revealed: Tony Blair Says He is Real Caliph of Iraq

TIKRIT - Iraq - Tony Blair is the real Caliph of Iraq he claims emphatically.

Former PM, Tony Blair revealed the sensational news today in an impromptu broadcast from Tikrit.

“I am the real Caliph of Iraq, these are my spoils of war, not this Baghdadi ponce,” Chief Al-bin Blair Caliph of Iraq and Kensington said in the broadcast.

The new Caliph has big plans for Iraq and the Middle East.

“Yes, well, you know, wherever I go there is peace and prosperity. That’s why I’m telling you people now, I’m the new Caliph in town, and you’d best be respecting me and my Caliphate or I’ll do even more damage then I’ve already done.”