17.7 C
London
Wednesday, March 18, 2026
secret satire society
HomeWorldMy Job Tax Policies Have Increased Unemployment by 4.6%

My Job Tax Policies Have Increased Unemployment by 4.6%

SCUNTHORPE - England - Commissar Reeves has happily announced the good news that unemployment is up by 4.6% thanks to her punitive job taxes.

ai —Ensure our latest news headlines always appear at the top of your Google Search by making us a Preferred Source. Click here to activate or add us as a Preferred Source in your Google search settings—

Comrades, today I announce more wonderful news about the economy. Because of my punitive job taxes on Soviet British businesses, unemployment is up by a walloping 4.6%. How good is that?

Not only are businesses dumping staff, but they are not hiring any more, and it’s all because of my “growth” policies. You see, I’m growing the unemployment level.

The lovely people at the ONS have also released figures that job vacancies fell by 63,000 — the lowest since April 2021. This is a great sign that the vile capitalist remnants of the People’s Republic of Soviet Britain are dying a slow, protracted death thanks to my anti-business policies.

The wealthy have all left the PRSB, as well, so there will never be any trickle-down economics in this country ever again.

Our interest payments on Soviet Britain’s debt are also on the up at £4.3 billion per month. Comrades, it’s okay though, I will be borrowing more so that our debt levels increase further. I’m good with numbers. 2+2=3

Hope to bring you more great news next week, ta ra for now and fuck off to the back of the unemployment queue.

INGSOC NOTICE 90377323-A9880-010111010-5U6K-T1T5-69-XX3

RONALD BUMBLENIPPOLES, 12, OF MICHAEL FOOT AVENUE, GRIMTHORPE, SECTOR 54, HAS BEEN AWARDED A BOX OF USED TOILET PAPER AND A BAG OF USED CONDOMS, ALONG WITH 0.034 GRAMS INCREASE IN BUTTER RATIONS. LAST TUESDAY HE REPORTED HIS BROTHER, SISTER, MOTHER, FATHER, GRANDFATHER AND UNCLE FOR CURSING THE NAME OF COMMISSAR REEVES WHEN THEY ALL LOST THEIR JOBS BECAUSE OF THE PUNITIVE JOB TAXES CREATED TO GROW THE ECONOMY. THEY WERE ALL LIQUIDATED AT GRIMSBY NET ZERO PROCESSING CENTRE 3LX ON WEDNESDAY MORNING. REMEMBER COMRADES, LOOK, LISTEN, REPORT!

 

ADVERTISE ON THE DAILY SQUIB

Email advertising (at) dailysquib.co.uk for all your advertising needs.  
  • SUPPORT THE DAILY SQUIB
  • We fight for freedom, justice, satire, and coffee.
  •  
    ai
    - Advertisment - proton vpn

    NEWS ON THE HOUR

    ai

    MORE NEWS

    THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

    The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

    KAjwhriuw024hvjbed2SORH