Comrade Starmer has made an urgent communiqué to all activists and Bolshevik warriors of the People’s Republic of Soviet Britain. We are under attack from an enemy insurgent group called Reform.
URGENT COMMUNIQUÉ FROM COMRADE STARMER
“Comrades, we are being attacked! The People’s Republic of Soviet Britain and our Marxist communist ideals are at stake here. The partisans have breached some areas of the north and middle England. They are led by a man called Nigel Farage who believes in democracy, enterprise, entrepreneurship, innovation, common sense, lower taxes, business, capitalism and freedom of speech, and to make things worse, he wants the UK to make a profitable free trade deal with the vile capitalist imperialists the USA. All of this while we are under the collectivist yoke of communist China and the EU Soviet bloc.
“I was in my banya whacking myself with a birch branch when I heard the awful news. No one disturbs my banya when I am at my dacha in Grimsby.
“Comrades, we must mobilise our communist forces right now and our Net Zero zealots against the vile partisans. We must put an end to any thought of dissent or thoughtcrime. That is the core of these troubles, it starts with thoughtcrime. I have ordered an increase in Stasi agents to scour our towns and cities to eliminate and liquidate any proles who are not aligned with our soviet woke ideology.
“Bolshevik forces for the PRSB have also been mobilised and will use any means they can to stop the insurgents from advancing further.
“You must be vigilant and fight to the last man. Now back to my banya!”
INGSOC NOTICE 388493000-EU REGULATION B-E0933738-712849873-I9903
TILDA PENDLEWORTH, 12, OF 67 NET ZERO ROAD, CHELMSFORD, SECTOR 34, ENGLAND, HAS BEEN AWARDED THREE ROTTEN TURNIPS, A BOX OF FROGS, AND AN EXTRA 0.7 GRAMS OF CHOCOLATE RATIONS FOR REPORTING HER MOTHER, FATHER, FOUR BROTHERS, THREE SISTERS, GRANDMOTHER, GRANDFATHER, UNCLE, AUNT, GOLDEN RETRIEVER DOG CALLED ‘PUGSY’, AND GYM INSTRUCTOR FOR CHEERING ON THE PARTISAN LEADER FARAGE. THE CRIMINALS WERE LIQUIDATED THIS MORNING AT SCUNTHORPE PROCESSING PLANT B-7. THEY ARE NOW NET ZERO. REMEMBER COMRADES, LOOK, LISTEN, REPORT!
