17.7 C
London
Thursday, December 4, 2025
secret satire society
HomeWorldMiliband Issues Net Zero Guidelines For WW3 Combat

Miliband Issues Net Zero Guidelines For WW3 Combat

LONDON - England - Ed Miliband has issued strict Net Zero guidelines for the military to adhere to carbon emissions rules during combat in WW3.

ai

Because Net Zero is going to cost UK taxpayers £390 billion, Ed Miliband has issued strict Net Zero guidelines for the military to shoot only one bullet every 15 minutes and maybe fire one missile at the enemy once every two days.

“Carbon emission guidelines for the military will dictate what they can and can’t do in combat situations, for example instead of two fighter jets taking off only one jet will be permitted to take off once a week,” Miliband revealed in the House of Commons on Wednesday.


russian tanks invade net zero london

Unfortunately for the British army, the enemy will probably not follow the Net Zero guidelines and will be unloading everything they have onto our soldiers at speed.

Miliband reassured the top brass of the MoD that asking the enemy nicely to adhere to Net Zero rules will assure everyone is compliant to the environmental emission target rules set out by his department.

“Yes, when they’re attacking or prior to the attack, we need to ask the enemy politely to make sure they are using heat pumps and that their tanks are Euro 4 compliant for ULEZ  charges. The Russian invading force must comply with Net Zero guidelines, or we may be forced to fine them.”

  Do you value freedom?

  SUPPORT THE DAILY SQUIB We fight for freedom, justice, satire and coffee. DUE TO THE NATURE OF OUR JUVENALIAN SATIRE WE CAN ONLY SURVIVE BY DONATIONS. PLEASE CONSIDER DONATING. THANK YOU.
ai

11 COMMENTS

  1. The guidelines should be followed to reduce carbon emissions in wars. It’s the right thing to do. I’m fully behind David Milliband.

  2. How can you only be allowed to shoot one bullet every fifteen minutes?

    Miliband is insane. The lunatics are in charge

  3. Russians could invade the UK in a day with your pathetic weak Labour in charge. Like it would take about three or four hours to clean up.

  4. This is insanity. Is the Brit gov serious they’re going to ask the Russians to observe NET ZERO? You guys are truly screwed.

Comments are closed.

- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

ai

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!