Comrades, commissars, Labour Party hierarchy, Bolsheviks, apparatchiks, Big State civil servants, train drivers, Marxist union bosses, NHS managers, and the rest of the scum proletariat. Commissar Rach From Accounts in the People’s Republic of Soviet Britain has some doubleplus good recession news for Proles. It involves eating the bark from trees.
URGENT COMMUNIQUÉ FROM COMMISSAR REEVES
Comrades, I have urgent good news for all the wonderful soviet citizens of soviet Britain. Due to my immense work doing the people’s accounts, we are now in permanent recession, and the economy is shrinking at rapid rates never witnessed before.
Thanks to my accounting Soviet Britain is losing money, capitalist millionaire swine, capitalist swine businesses, employment and all aspiration are all fleeing like slippery fat rats.
Additionally, because of the Soviet Labour Party’s purge against the vile landed gentry Kulak farmer classes, there is now no food in Soviet Britain.
It’s all good news, comrades, I have dreamt up a lovely plan for all you scum who voted Labour. Yes, you cannot say I, Commissar Reeves, do not look out for you. I have provided Big State guidance on how to strip the bark from trees, and to boil the bark to eat. If you boil the bark for long enough, it will eventually be edible. Also, the leather from your shoes can be boiled for sustenance and vitamins for your health.
Last week, I outlined how your pet cat or dog could provide vital nourishment for a family of four for at least two weeks. Now that there are no cats and dogs left, and all the trees will soon be gone, I will soon provide details on how dead relatives can provide essential food for your pantry for up to one month of nutrition. These guidelines will be released next week.
INGSOC NOTICE 123100-439472-3999383011283839291119283838292920-A
JOE BELDRANGLE OF 32 GRIMFUK STREET IN WITCHESTER HAS BEEN AWARDED THREE STRIPS OF FRESHLY BOILED BARK RATIONS AND AN ENTIRE FRESH ARM FROM A MORGUE. HE REPORTED HIS WHOLE FAMILY AND TOWN FOR DISPARAGING, NASTY COMMENTS ABOUT MY ABILITY AS SOVIET CHANCELLOR OF THE PEOPLE’S SOVIET BANK TO RUN THE ECONOMY. ALL THE CRIMINALS WERE TAKEN TO THE LOCAL SLAUGHTER HOUSE AND PROCESSED FOR VITAL RATIONS FOR HIGH PARTY OFFICIALS. THANK YOU FOR YOUR SACRIFICE TO THE BIG STATE. NOW ENJOY EATING THE BARK FROM TREES, THE REST OF YOU FUCKING PROLE SCUM.
Thank you Rach from Accounts. I shall enjoy supping on my tree bark.
Our pensioners are dying thanks to Labour taking away their fuel payments. It’s illegal to have a fireplace but I’m happy to see Labour allow the eating of bark for the starving Brits.