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Revealed: The Brexit that was Never a Brexit that Never Actually Happened

LONDON - England - We can reveal the emphatic news that Brexit never actually happened, and it was all a horrid theatrical ruse.

In a stunning twist of fate, it has been revealed that the infamous “Brexit” was, in fact, nothing more than an elaborate ruse, a grand performance put on for the amusement of the masses. After years of political drama, debates, and negotiations, it turns out that the whole ordeal was just an illusion, a theatrical production on an unprecedented scale.

Last year over a million people migrated to Britain; over 91,773 illegal migrants crossed the Channel since 2018, over 4,800 EU laws still in operation in the UK, all of British law is still governed by the European Court of Justice as well as the European Court of Human Rights.

The curtain rises on the grand stage of British politics, and the actors, dressed in their finest suits and gowns, take their positions. Prime Minister Sunak, the inheritor of the charade, tries desperately to deliver a passionate speech about sovereignty, independence, and taking back control even though the Tory Party and Cabinet has effectively been eviscerated of Brexiteers. The crowd roars with applause, completely unaware of the impending twist.

As the ridiculous scenes unfold, it becomes clear that there is no substance behind the rhetoric. The negotiations, once thought to be critical, are nothing more than a series of staged conversations, each carefully crafted to give the illusion of progress where there is in fact none. The actors, playing the roles of diplomats and negotiators, exchange empty words and hollow promises, all while the clock ticks towards on as nothing has changed.

Meanwhile, the media frenzy surrounding Brexit reaches fever pitch. News outlets churn out headline after headline, dissecting every detail of the non-existent negotiations. Pundits, with their expert analysis, debate the implications of a Brexit that never was, each displaying a remarkable ability to argue passionately about nothing at all.

Citizens, caught up in the whirlwind of uncertainty, cling to every word from the political stage. Some cheer for Brexit, others decry it, but all are united in their confusion and frustration. They march in protest, demanding action on an event that was nothing more than smoke and mirrors.

“We are against Brexit and are furious to have supposedly left the EU even though we have not technically left the EU and are still ruled by Brussels and all the Remainers in charge in parliament,” one confused protester revealed.

The rest of the world watches in amusement and bewilderment. Global leaders scratch their heads, unsure of how to respond to a crisis that doesn’t actually exist. Diplomatic relations hang in the balance, suspended by an illusion that has captivated an entire nation.

But as the final act approaches, the truth is revealed. The actors take their bows, and Prime Minister Sunak steps forward once more, this time to confess the grand deception. The Brexit that was never a Brexit has not materialised in any fashion, and will never materialise as long as the Remainers are in charge of everything.

It is time for the next General Election in 2024, which will no doubt be another theatrical fiasco that will result in a fake win for Labour, who will make damn sure that the Brexit that never happened will certainly never happen as we all are forced to rejoin the EU we never left once again.

And so, the curtains fall on this remarkable performance, leaving us to reflect on the absurdity of it all. The Brexit that never happened will forever be remembered as a monument to political theatrics, a lesson in the art of illusion. As we move forward, let us not forget the folly of this grand spectacle and the consequences of putting on a show when the stakes are all too real.

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