AUKUS: Furious Macron Calls China For Possible EU War Pact

PARIS - France - After being locked out of a special nuclear submarine deal between the UK, US, and Australia, AUKUS, President Macron has blown a fuse.


According to aides, when French president Emmanuel Macron heard of the U.S, U.K. Australian nuclear submarine pact, AUKUS, being announced, he flew into such a rage that he threw his old wife’s poodle, Hortense, out the window.

‘Operation Hookless’ 

“Nous regardions les Euronews. Ensuite, they annoncé les UK/US/Australia nuclear submarine pact. Macron flew into une rage incontrôlable, he picked up le caniche de sa femme et a jeté le poor thing through la fenêtre!” one of Macron’s terrified aides recalled.

It is not known what happened to the poodle, but after throwing numerous priceless objet d’art around his Elysée Palace office, Macron picked up the phone straight to his pal, Xi Jinping in Beijing.

It is no secret that the EU appeases China at every opportunity, and this loss of a lucrative $90 Billion submarine deal with the Australians may have pushed the EU over the edge.

“L’UE aime la Chine. Ils sont like notre big frère Soviétique. L’armée de l’UE will now side avec la Chine. Let us see what les cochons Britanniques disent when l’armée Chinoise et Européenne débarque à Dover?” the French Minister of War, Jacques Bonyparte, shouted in the French parliament on Friday.

As leaders of Australia, the United Kingdom, and the United States, guided by our enduring ideals and shared commitment to the international rules-based order, we resolve to deepen diplomatic, security, and defense cooperation in the Indo-Pacific region, including by working with partners, to meet the challenges of the twenty-first century. As part of this effort, we are announcing the creation of an enhanced trilateral security partnership called “AUKUS” – Australia, the United Kingdom, and the United States.

Through AUKUS, our governments will strengthen the ability of each to support our security and defense interests, building on our longstanding and ongoing bilateral ties. We will promote deeper information and technology sharing. We will foster deeper integration of security and defense-related science, technology, industrial bases, and supply chains. And in particular, we will significantly deepen cooperation on a range of security and defense capabilities.

As the first initiative under AUKUS, recognizing our common tradition as maritime democracies, we commit to a shared ambition to support Australia in acquiring nuclear-powered submarines for the Royal Australian Navy. Today, we embark on a trilateral effort of 18 months to seek an optimal pathway to deliver this capability. We will leverage expertise from the United States and the United Kingdom, building on the two countries’ submarine programs to bring an Australian capability into service at the earliest achievable date.