“I used to be a heterosexual Christian family man with four kids and a loving wife. After eating at the Chick Fil-A restaurant I started to wear pink clothes, go around with a limp wrist and enjoy sessions with other men in public toilets. I now have a good eye for curtains and soft furnishings as well as men’s butts. I also have this irresistable urge to join the priesthood in the Catholic church,” Mr Pendlebrock told a jury hearing yesterday at Siouxville County Court in West Bend.
The man said he had gone into the fast food restaurant on Tuesday and ordered a Chick Fil-A chicken burger with cheese.
“I was heterosexual before I took a bite of that burger. Now I’m a raging homo. I need to go to bath houses to get my ass fondled by strange guys I never met before. I’m relocating to San Francisco and told my wife and four kids that I’ll send ’em a postcard from the frisky gay village of Frisco,” he said.
Mr Pendlebrock was additionally arrested on Thursday by West Bend police officers when he was caught sniffing the urinals of a local library’s toilets and coming onto the officers when they told him to stop.
Even though Mr Pendlebrock is enjoying his new gay lifestyle, he says that he still wants to sue the owner of Chick Fil-A because he did not ask to be turned into a homosexual. His lawyer, Julian Coquering, said that his client wanted $30 million in damages so that he can buy a lifetimes worth of lube.
Sales for the fast food restaurant suffered a little after the news was released of the gay inducing burgers.
“Shiiiit. I don’t want to eat at a joint that turns you into a sh*t stabber,” Lewis Shirtlifter, 23, told local news outlet, WKYJLLY news.