Republicans: Obama Guaranteed Another Four Years

DELAWARE - USA - Senior Republicans have conceded defeat because their candidates are so poor, and they have secretly praised Obama for a very slick operation where he barely lifted a finger to win the upcoming election.

“The election was lost months ago when we announced our Republican candidates, a piss poor collection of misfits, degenerates and religious zealots. Those Republican candidates could be up against Charles Manson and still lose,” Ernie Highwater, told a Republican congressional meeting on Saturday.

The rag tag group of Republican electoral candidates headed by Mitt Romney do not have a flying chance against the Mr Clean of politics, Barack Hussein Obama.

“Obama started as the Messiah, he was our own black Jesus. He kinda faltered after that, then he made a huge comeback after the Bin Laden assassination. Obama is good for America, he puts these crazy Republican nutcases like Rush Limbaugh in their place. He has an equilibrium that is fantastic for the nation, and he’s slowly figuring out how to use the economy. It’s hard for socialists to understand how capitalism works, so Obama started poorly and he’s learning the ropes, getting the markets back up, keeping everyone happy, keeping the Jewish lobby reasonably happy by promising attacks on Iran, he’s doing his thang. Obama ain’t black though, uh uh, he’s more white than black. The only chink in his armour I see now is his wife, they better curtail her spending because those multi-million dollar holidays don’t look good close to election time. Hell, she can go on $20 million vacations once her husband is re-elected but for now, they better stick her in a room somewhere with lots of expensive things and tell her to shut the f*ck up about using Air Force Two,” Obama’s senior aide, Jonathan Delaney, told the Washington DC Observer.